Currently Reading: 

T.J. Sullivan’s Motivating the Middle: Fighting Apathy in College Student Organizations

Check out his website and “Hungry Student Leader Blog” here: http://tjsullivan.com/ OR if you are all about the Facebook go here: http://www.facebook.com/tjsullivanblog. 

T.J. can even come to you. Contact CAMPUSPEAK for more details. 

I’ll revisit soon with my thoughts and hopefully great ways to apply my new knowledge. 

I wrote this blog November 19th in 2010 and I believe it still rings true today. Gotta love reflection and perspective. 

As I’m splitting up women into Recruitment Counselor groups, stepping over the Old Navy fleeces in my office, reserving buses, and figuring out when to start sending out Recruitment Newsflash to PNM (Potential New Members— for those of you that don’t know). I think to myself when did I become a professional sorority woman? How did this happen? I spend all of my days and nights (ALL is an understatement) working my fanny off to help develop, enrich, educate, grow, advise, encourage, advocate, compliment (complement?—sometimes), criticize, analyze, hold accountable, listen to, learn from, understand and then translate to others who don’t have a clue or a care the fraternity and sorority COMMUNITY—please stop saying system! It.makes.me.cringe.

But how did I get here? No, seriously—what turn did I take? It had to have a been a U-turn on a curvy road in a surburban neighborhood in the South. A turn on a street in a place where Lilly Pulitzer, Vera Bradley, and Tory Burch have brunch while wearing Ralph Lauren pearls and people carry their Longchamp bags like it holds their life possessions and when it rains their Hunter rainboots not only happen to be utilitarian but also a style statement that says, “I can spend $200 on boots that I will only wear in inclement weather.” How did I fall head over heels in love with this world? Where.did.my.mother.go.wrong? I think she might ask herself this each time I call her at work and am mistaken for a white girl. However, she didn’t go wrong at all and neither did I.

Did you hear that self, there isn’t anything wrong with you!   Your infatuation with J.Crew is natural and acceptable. So are you, btw way (well, not natural—hair) but beyond acceptable. 

Back to the original point…fraternity & sorority life, huh? I was not a sorority woman until I was 26 years old. Sitting in my initiation ceremony in my white suit ( try purchasing a white suit in Februrary) I felt like I’d made the right decision by waiting and being observant.

I felt like I made the right decision because my ritual brought tears to my eyes during and after the ceremony because those words that I heard at 26 could have really been a huge help to me at 18.

BUT I was too afraid to do something different and to be something different and to go somewhere that people who looked like me on my campus didn’t go…that’s a problem. So now…I like to be in unexpected places and I embrace sticking out, not like a sore thumb because who wants to be a sore thumb but like a beautiful black pansy in a sea of yellow pansies…because that is what I am…hence I worked in fraternity and sorority life for almost three years (+2 in graduate school…Pi Kappa Alpha will always hold a special place in my heart) and to tell you the truth I really love it! It drives me cray but that’s because I care so damn much! 

To help a young woman find someplace that will allow her to be a part of something bigger than herself…to help her find true sisterhood which is NOT the same as friendship…to lead her towards a home where she can grow into a better version of herself…this is what I have come to love…I’ve come to love the sorority experience at its core…the heart of it is so beautiful…

I got here because I opened my heart to a challenge and that is just what I received…one of the best and biggest challenges ever—Like Double Dare Christmas!  Mark Sommers would be proud ;). 
   
P.S. I wear my Brooks Brothers’ pearls proudly (lost the RLs in Athen, GA dancing the night away with a certain fraternity man) and my Vera Bradley bags will never be retired nor the Longchamps (yes, plural) that I purchased for myself as rewards for my scholarly accomplishments.I got myself a couple of degrees…


P.P.S—My wedding party will wear J.Crew…

P.P.P.S—I love my sorority more and more Everyday…DLAM ;).When I meet a new sister I light up…

P.P.P.P.S—My mother loves me so much it makes me cry…

Gosh, I hope not. But, to be honest, I can’t tell you it isn’t a factor. I can’t in full faith tell you that any of your multiple social identities don’t come into play during those “into the wee hours” membership selection meetings. I want to tell you an emphatic ‘NO!’ However, I can’t BUT I can give you a strong ‘I HOPE’ and I can tell you that I’m an African-American member of Delta Delta Delta and that I know many other women of color who are members of National Panhellenic Conference sororities/fraternities. I can tell you that there are women of color on our campus who are members of the Panhellenic Association and I can tell you that there are past and present executive board members of the Panhellenic Council who are women of color. Our chapters have anti-discrimination policies and racist, sexist, homophobic, and religiously intolerant language was scratched from our inter/national organizations bylaws and constitutions a few decades ago. I will tell you that I’ve met inter/national headquarters staff who are all about adding all facets of diversity (race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, social class, and ability etc.) to its collegiate chapters. I can tell you that I believe to maintain our relevance as fraternal organizations we must be open and willing to embrace and appreciate the ample amount of diversity that is appearing on our college campuses across the country. I will tell you that we stress to chapters to keep an open mind about potential new members the same as we educate you to keep an open mind about the chapters. I will tell you that I’m uber impressed that a sorority community in the south has this many women of color in its ranks and that more women of color than I could have ever expected are interested in the Panhellenic sorority experience. This is probably all that I can tell you with assurance. Well, actually I can also tell you that I’m here for you should you need support. My racial identity development kept me from becoming a Panhellenic woman during my undergraduate years and I don’t want another woman to miss out on this experience for that same reason. I know that we’ve come REALLY far in this area but the enthusiastic realist in me knows that on some campuses we still have a LONG WAY to go. I am happy to say that I work with a Panhellenic community that is on the former side of this continuum. 

Finally, I can tell you that in the art of making friends or, in this case, sisters one should never use color. 

“Let us found a society that shall be kind alike to all and think more of a girl’s inner self and character than of her personal appearance.”

– Sarah Ida Shaw, Founder of Delta Delta Delta Fraternity 

DLAM!!