One of the biggest lessons I learned this year was that I have to stop holding people accountable to stories that I’ve written for them. –They have never told me or more importantly shown me that they want to play the role I’ve developed for them. I had to stop letting my imposed narrative lead me to disappointment. —The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. Be willing to step back and discover the origin of the narrative. This will help you direct your response in the right direction and more often than not, you’ll be forced to deal with the person in the mirror.
Now, I’m not saying this is easy and it hurts, but this mindset has began to save me from hurt, rejection, frustration, anger, and sadness. Managing my expectations and believing people when they tell me and when they show me who they are is the best way to go about living and loving others. When a person wounds me, I have to develop an understanding as to why I feel the way I do and how that person can possess that much power over me. What I know now is that the story I’ve told myself about that person leads me down a dangerous path. The assuming, the hoping, the dreaming, the wishing, the praying, the unchecked believing, the lack of crucial conversations, the passive aggressiveness, and the disregard for the truth that is staring me in my face had to stop.
Instead of lamenting, “Why did they do this to me?” Turn inward and think “Why did I do this to myself? What made me write this story? What am I missing? What do I need? What hurt is plaguing my heart that caused me to carve out this narrative and impose my will on someone who never agreed to own it?” This is what you need to address and not the “failure” of the other person.
Think about the stories you’ve authored for others. Do yourself a favor and delete them. Instead, take that person at face value and the sum of their words and actions. Do this as an act of grace for both of you.
Thanks for reading, y’all.