A great friend of mine just got engaged! I’m sincerely happy for her and know that she has wanted to find “Him” since I’ve met her. We went to graduate school together and were next door neighbors for those two surreal fratacular years. We spent lots of weekends in Adam’s Morgan having quite a time. It is a miracle that we didn’t find ourselves in some sticky, or rather stickier, situations as we traveled my Metro and floated around as if we didn’t have a care in the world. I love her and miss her.
As we were chatting, she said, in reference to a job change, “that this would be my first new job since graduating SIX YEARS AGO!” Say what? We graduated from UMD- College Park SIX YEARS AGO! Deep breaths Yes, I was 24 when I graduated and I will be 30 on April 3rd. It is all happening. Time is fast and, to be honest, I still often feel like I’m 24.
I feel like I’m supposed to be a certain way now that I’m approaching 30. At our pre-Hockey Happy Hour another friend asked me if I examined my life and felt proud of all the things I’ve accomplished. The answer, if you’re wondering, is a big fat resounding NO! One of my many problems is that I never feel like I’ve done or am doing enough. This is why I keep adding things to my overly crammed plate of life. If I just do one more thing in the community or at work then perhaps I’ll all of sudden feel fulfilled and like I’ve accomplished all my life goals. WRONG!
One of my favorite quotes is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” We all look at others, especially those that are in our peer group, and measure ourselves up against them. She’s buying a house, so maybe I should buy a house. She’s married, why aren’t I? She’s got a baby, I must have one of those before it’s too late. She’s back in school for her doctorate, I should apply to school. Eek! Isn’t this a horrible mindgame we allow the Devil to play with us? I was reminded in church the other night that “Your Yes is unique to you.” We are uniquely and wonderfully made. What’s a “Yes” for my friend Erin is a “No” or “Not Yet” for me. Guess what? That’s fine and that’s how God meant for it to be.
The “six years” comment totally just brought me to my reality that there is so much that I want to do and I don’t have as much time as I think to get it all done. This thought then brought me to the actual reality that if I profess to trust God then I have to trust His timing. I have to wait for Him. I have to boldly ask him for what I want and then I have to wait. Easier said than done BUT so worth the fight. Read Psalm 25 and it will help remind you to keep your eyes on Him and not your circumstances. During the wait is when the preparation happens for the goal. The wait prepares you for the prize.
The Husband, the house, the kids, and the doctorate will all come when and if they need to. Society has socially constructed where we should be at every age but like all other social constructions this model isn’t the answer for everyone. In fact, it often isn’t the answer for those that have conformed to it. Anyone seen that divorce rate lately?
So, here I am almost a month away from turning 30 and I spent my Saturday volunteering at St. Luke’s at Kids in the Kitchen as a part of the Junior League of Nashville, catching up on Suits, Smash, and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, reading/writing blogs, watching Duke pummel UNC, grocery shopping and cooking up my first recipe in my new slow cooker, reading resumes for new hires at work, and watching Justin Timberlake on SNL. I laughed a lot today at kids with smoothies,during great convos with ladies from the League and the sweet dietitian from Second Harvest, and at TV. I cried when a child’s family was seriously late to pick her up from the event, I took a nap as I’ve gotten some kind of sinus issue that is draining my energy, and as usual I overthought 15 different things.
That was one day and if the Lord chooses I shall have another 24 hours tomorrow. I must say, I’m looking forward to it :). 30 is going to look as awesome as my perspective allows it to look.