Add this place to your list…

October 3, 2014October 3, 2014Leave a comment

Well, y’all it is Friday at 2:55pm and I’m just sitting at my desk wanting to venture into the sunshine, grab a snack on 12South and pop into White’s Mercantile for more lovelies. If you live in Nashville or will just be hopping through the city for a visit then I strongly encourage you to stop by and do some damage at this fresh and sunny general store.

White’s Mercantile 2908 12th Ave. South Nashville, TN 37204 Ph (615) 750-5379 Info@whitesmercantile.com is all the info you need to make your way to this destination. There’s even parking in the front!

Oh, and did I mentioned it’s owned by Holly Williams?

Before a delicious lunch at Epice (you should eat here and sit outside if it’s a nice day) and for dessert maybe, Las Paletas?

I digress. Ahem!

Back to White’s Mercantile, billed as the “a general store for the modern day taste-maker” is just what you need to find those pops of special to freshen up your home, office, or your everyday precious routines. There’s an entire section of greeting cards that could have single handedly put me in debt, toiletries, practical accessories, all the delightful notepads you could ever think of in your stationery obsessed mind, kitchenware, and even fancy breath mints. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I wanted to wrap it ALL up and take it home. On top of that the women who work there are those girls that everyone wants to invite out for drinks but you don’t want to be awkward by basically asking them out on a friend date. Therefore, you leave and promise to come back for more shopping, laughter, and girlie chats.

What did I purchase?

My “Sweetie” coffee mug. When I don’t know people’s names, I call them “Sweetie”. Shh! Don’t tell anyone my secret.

My Hummingbird Factory black and Gold Anchor Clutch because I’m a Vandy employee, a fan, and I sincerely hope our football team gains a better understanding of what it means to “Anchordown” before this football season is a total bust.

My bright yellow Public Supply notebook because well, I love notebooks and a % of the proceeds goes back to New York Public Schools. Win-Win, right?

I highly recommend you give it a go and treat yourself of someone you love.

Thanks for reading!

Lata Y’all.

That Time I Decided to Become Myself

October 2, 2014October 1, 2014Leave a comment

Hair is a thing.

Or at least I feel that my hair is a thing.

I’ve never been quite content with my hair.

I ran around with a towel or pillowcase on my head pretending as if I had long flowing locks.

I marveled after Bridget, Kelly, Stacy, Brandie, Amber, and Britney with their soft, long, ponytail worthy hair.

I hated the Jheri Curl that my mom made me keep for way too long.

I abhorred the fact that mom didn’t know how to do hair which led to some very interesting moments throughout middle school.

As soon as I could convince my mother I purchased hair for the micro braids that seemingly made me come to life in high school.

After I was done with those I ran to lay tracks in my head that transported my hair to the middle of my back, sky high ponytails, and eventually in a chic shoulder length bob that was more appropriate for my sparkling royal blue homecoming queen gown. My grandmother nicknamed me Farrah Fawcett.

I didn’t see my hair until I was a freshman in college. That reveal was a mistake and one that I was quite miffed at my “hairdresser” of a friend about for about 20 minutes. However, the boy loved it because he finally got to see me and he loved me…

Then came the era of the curling iron. I flipped it, curled it, wrapped it, greased it, straightened it, relaxed it, cut it, banged it, and all in all I killed it. Everything I did to it murdered its true essence. I fought against its very nature.

In grad school, I found Wanda and she whipped it back into shape. She cut it, relaxed it, and worked her magic wand to make it thick and healthy. She made it beautiful and in my mind made me beautiful. The white boys in the fraternity I lived in would watch her revive their “mom’s” mane. When I graduated, I let Ashley cut it into a gorgeous Posh Spice bob. It was admired. Ashley, a white girl, had cut my hair with an expert hand and the black girls at my salon in VA bowed down with respect.

I then moved to NC and well, it all went downhill from there. I never found “my person” so I let randoms get into my glory and sometimes it was great and other times it wasn’t. I started getting it trimmed and learned how to do it myself –bad idea. I get my non hair doing gene from my mama.

By the time I got to Nashville, she was a wreck. She was split up and dry and d-a-m-a-g-e-d. I showed up at the salon and all they could say was “pass me the scissors”. However, I didn’t have it in me to go short again so after a while I braided my headpiece up and kept her under wraps for a year.

I then had to make a decision. What next?

The girl with the long hair, the girl with the high ponytail, the girl with the long braids, the girl with the cute haircut– the hair brought me courage, it gave me energy, confidence, ease, and well it gave me something that I thought I couldn’t have on my own. Let’s be honest, it also gave me a place to hide. Hair is a status symbol and like anything else that you wear, it tells the world about you. What would people say if I was just me? What if I just became myself?

Recently, I took the plunge. The plunge of going back to natural. I took out all of the hair that was ~~mine~~ as noted on a receipt and released all that had happened over the course of one year of no heat, no chemicals, no products, and no scissors.

I decided to become me. At 31, I became me. Whew!

Me was not happy at first. In fact, me was sad and panicked and planning a return to braids. Me showed up to work with a poo face and refused to show anyone who I actually was underneath it all.

But then, I started figuring out what to do with me. As I looked at me more and more, I realized that I loved me and that my big smile, bright eyes, pretty skin, odd shaped eyebrows, and fat cheeks were all still there. Over the course of a year, I’d grown a nice amount of thick, soft, curly, kinky, and fun hair.

It has now been a month since I’ve been me. Let me tell you, people like me. I’ve had a few outreached hands which were quickly batted away, a few confused looks but then flashes of understanding once I let them know what happened to all the other hair that once belonged to me according to Bank of America, and overall all I’ve had a lot of “I love it”, “It suits you”, “It’s beautiful because its natural”, “You’re beautiful” and so on and so forth.

Most importantly, I’m feeling good about her and her debut into the big bad world. We’re getting along and figuring each other out. She ‘s thirsty for products, likes to be washed every four days, twist outs are her go to and we enjoy when she’s a bit bigger. I mean, like LARGE. I told myself that I’d go without straightening her for a month and I’m now 2 weeks past that deadline. I have no interest or time to wield a flat iron so perhaps I’ll keep this challenge up for another month.

Hair is political and I know that I’m privileged to work at a place that allows me to wear my hair as I see fit. I never actually foresee my boss saying a negative word about my hair. Working with students who we want to shine as bright as possible and also who we work with on a daily basis to live authentic lives makes it easier for staff members to do the same. There are lots of natural students strutting around campus these days.

I avoided going natural for so long because I just didn’t think that the look was me. Imagine, the way I was born is just not authentic enough. [side eye]

That other hair that I had someone braid into my head was never ~~mine~~ to begin with because it never created an opportunity for me to just be Krystal. It was an accessory, a statement piece, that created a space in which people couldn’t remember what I actually looked like without it. I felt that without that hair I would miss out on something great. Perhaps “the one” was around the corner and he would walk by if I didn’t have that hair.

Ahem! Newsflash, Clark–you didn’t have a man with the hair so what made you think that keeping it longer was going to have any impact on your single status? Point taken. I’m often irrational. Let’s move on to the next point. Ahem!

What you see is actually what you get. There isn’t any more reveal. I’m coming out as me. “I’m a real girl!” said in Pinocchio voice 🙂

Wearing a mask is never comfortable because there is the constant worry of what will happen when the mask comes off. There has been a burden lifted with the shedding of the 4 bags of 1B.

The natural adventure is underway and though it has added a great deal of time spent co-washing, detangling, conditioning, applying oils, and twisting, I’m just happy to be Krystal. I’ll never forget that time in the Summer of 2014 when I became me.

Thanks for reading!

Later Y’all.

Fall into Fall

October 1, 2014October 1, 2014Leave a comment

Fall might be my favorite season. Don’t worry, it is not due to anything pumpkin flavored. Things just seem to slow down in the fall. People become a bit more reflective as they start to cover up with scarves, boots, jackets, and hats. The air is easier to breathe and the crispness makes you want to roll out of bed in the morning. God shakes us like an etch-a-sketch and the leaves begin to change colors leaving us all in awe since we’ve actually taken the time to look up and witness art that money can’t buy. Virginia in the fall, North Carolina in the fall, Tennessee in the fall, and last year I had the fortune of walking through Central Park in the fall. I still get chills thinking about all that gorgeousness. It’s just a good chill time. I want to be outside, I want to move slower, I want to write, and eat warm things while hiding in a book. Wrapping a scarf around me in the morning makes me smile and boot shopping is on the schedule. There’s a freshness about this season that makes it almost a cleansing we all so badly need after summer filled adventures and heat driven questionable decisions. Summer is so revealing as you peel off your protective layers but fall allows you to retreat and take care of what lies beneath. So, take a deep breath, inhale fall and exhale summer. Let’s apologize, let’s forgive, let’s pray to do better next time. Throw on a light sweater, your riding boots, and a cozy scarf, take a walk and get lost in the green, orange, and yellow. Think about it, learn from it, and leave it all behind as you fall bravely into fall.

Adventures to come.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

Thanks for reading.

Later Y’all.

College…Ready or Not? –The Greek Thing.

August 26, 20143 Comments

I only worked at schools that have had deferred recruitment so I might be a little late in getting to those of you who attend schools that have already disseminated bids aka invitations to join. To those of you that have chosen to become a part of Greek Life, CONGRATULATIONS! To those of you have decided not to pursue Greek Life, CONGRATULATIONS! To those of you who had a less than desirable recruitment/rush experience…CONGRATULATIONS! I’m a firm believer that it all works out for the best. Trust the process. To those of you who are just confused…CONGRATULATIONS! Keep reading and perhaps I can offer some insight.

Let’s get clear…

1. I didn’t join my sorority as an undergraduate student. I was honored to be invited to join as an alumnae initiate. My decision not to join as an undergraduate had nothing to do with being anti-greek or an inability to acquire a bid. It had to do with money, racial identity matters, lack of understanding as to how joining a sorority could add to my already full collegiate experience, and a bit of skepticism of the whole pledging process. This one was not signing up to be hazed. Nope, no ma’am. My future was too bright for foolishness.

2. I worked in Greek Life for 8 years of my life as a graduate student and as a professional. I lived in a fraternity house (no lie), ran Greek Week and Greek Homecoming, and served as a Panhellenic Advisor for six years. If I can plan recruitment, then I can plan the world! [insert evil laughter]

3. I have loved my non-traditional sorority experience. I’ve been involved in my alumnae chapters in The Triangle and Nashville. I also had the opportunity to visit my EO this summer in Arlington, TX. Until I was 26, I wasn’t a member of a sorority therefore I do a pretty great job of staying objective on this topic.

Ahem…

This is an extremely personal decision. Don’t join because it seems like everyone else is joining. Don’t join because everyone in your family joined. Don’t join because of cliché statements such as, “Don’t you want to be a part of something bigger than yourself?” Answer: you already are –that feeling doesn’t require another membership. Do your research by going to open events, chatting with current members, and setting up a meeting with the staff on your campus who advise these organizations.

I can’t blame you for taking into account everything you see in the media when making this decision. Unfortunately, most things you see about fraternity and sorority life in the media is pretty dang bad, in fact, it’s pretty dang awful. What’s even worse is that a lot of it is true. What I will say is that not every chapter, member, or community has the makings of a Lifetime movie,scathing Huffington Post blog, or sickening TFM/TSM post. There are people doing Greek right. There is a whole other heartwarming and worthwhile side of fraternity and sorority membership. Friendship–brotherhood/sisterhood–service–philanthropy–leadership–scholarship–and all the yummy values-based stuff you can think of actually do exist. You can find your bridesmaids and groomsmen. You can find people who will stick by you through thick and thin. People who will help you when you’re ill and celebrate all your successes. You can raise an incredible amount of money for fantastic causes and you can serve entire communities through hands-on service. The possibilities are limitless. However, you often won’t be made aware of the full picture unless you give the Greek community a chance by attending an information session, tabling event, rush meeting, and other opportunities designed solely to create a space for people like you to become informed. Great chapters are working to recruit the best members; let them woo you.

Ask real questions. Request real answers. If you feel like you’re getting a canned answer then you’re probably right. Push harder. This is a lifetime commitment and you want to be real clear about what you’re about to pledge your life to. Think about what would make this joining experience worthwhile for you and then take the time to inquire about those desires.

Become informed about all of your membership possibilities. For instance, do you have to join during the first semester? As a first-year student? Are there opportunities to join during the next semester? Will going through recruitment as an upperclassmen hurt your chances? Many students would rather acclimate to their campus surroundings and academic schedule before joining a Greek-lettered organization. Make sure that you’re clear on what waiting might do for your chance at membership. At some schools being older greatly impairs your chances at a bid.

Gain an understanding of all of the possible fraternities/sororities you can join. NPC, NPHC, Multicultural, Co-Ed, Professional, Service, Academic…there are many ways to belong to a Greek-lettered organization. Perhaps a traditional “social” group isn’t for you and instead you’d be happy become a sister of the engineering sorority.

I joined at 26 for extremely different reasons than I would have had at 18.

At 18, it would have been about making friends, creating a smaller community on my campus, the cuteness/happiness of it all, the social opportunities, and some of that values stuff might have played a small role.

At 26, I joined because I believe strongly in the values of my organization. I support our efforts at making women better women. I am an advocate for our stellar philanthropic work. Our ritual makes me cry. Our Purpose connects with my purpose. The women I have known since college from this group have always impressed me and I work to be like them. I love the progressive nature of my sorority. I was at a place in life in which I clearly understood that sorority membership is a reciprocal relationship. We make each other better. My reasons were a lot deeper than they would have been at 18. I joined right when I was supposed to and I’m glad that I didn’t become a member earlier in life.

Go Greek or don’t Go Greek. I know that you can have a fulfilling college experience without membership the same way you can with membership. I think people gravitate to Greek because it seems so instant and easy. For many, it is worthwhile and for others they realize after joining that perhaps they should have made a different decision.

What I would encourage you NOT to do is to knock it before you try it. I mean, some things you should knock before you try like drugs BUT I’m not going to make the leap to group Greek Life and drugs in the same category.

Don’t judge something or someone that you don’t know anything about except for what you see in the media. Make your own informed decisions.

Oh, and the above advice is just good life strategy.

Sign up for Recruitment and participate in a Round or 2. Go to a few Rush events and check out the scene. Make a few visits to programs being held by the Greek community or specific chapters. You really don’t have that much to lose by just seeing what’s available and collecting information.

I’ve met many women and men that were “Maybe Joiners” and after a few rounds of recruitment, they were sold on the experience. I’ve also worked with men and women who couldn’t wait to become a member but realized that during the process of joining that this didn’t really meet their expectations.

Disconnect from the blabbering of all the so-called “experts”–myself included–and venture out to see what your gut tells you about fraternity/sorority membership. You know, I’m a firm believer in the gut.

If you decide it ain’t your thang. Cool. However, support your peers who have made the decision to join and live the Greek life. Yes, you might spot its flaws, but nothing in college is perfect. Respect those who are doing their best to add value to your campus, community, and the lives of fellow students through their membership. Don’t be Judgey McJudgerson.

I know that the process can be BRUTAL. I’ve watched it for years and know the toll it can take on students. What I also know is that you’ll come out okay on the other side. You’ll find other ways to make your college your home. Other groups, other people, and other parts of yourself will take center stage in your life in ways that you never expected. It’s such a personal “no”. Breathe and know that you’re enough. If you’ve given your authentic self and didn’t find yourself with a bid on Bid Day then I’d count that as a win. You gave them all of you. Why would you want to be in a group that doesn’t appreciate the unicorn that you are? Go find your people. They’re waiting…

For those of you that do join, don’t look down on those who decide not to or aren’t able to due to the process. Invite them to open Greek events and support them in their campus involvement. Don’t make a snap judgement because someone isn’t Greek. This doesn’t mean that they are less than you. Your letters don’t make you better than anyone else.

No campus benefits from Greek v. Non Greek Battles. You aren’t Biggie and Tupac. Scratch it.

Whatever you do, join a fraternity/sorority for the right reasons. The values, the people, the service, philanthropy, leadership opportunities–no matter what you see in the media, the heart of Greek Life is a beautiful thing.

Alright, now go learn and figure out whether this world is for you.

Check out this blog on deferred recruitment and a few other blogs I’ve done on Greek Life.

Also, check out T.J. Sullivan and John Shertzer

Thanks for reading. Happy First Year!

Lata Y’all.

College…Ready or Not?–College & Money: Too Much and Never Enough

August 25, 20141 Comment

College is a lot of things but one thing it can never claim to be is cheap.

One of the things that I’ve noticed college students often have issues with is money. We’re living in a time in which the vast majority of students are receiving some type of financial aide whether that be scholarships, grants, work study, and/or the dreaded loans. Room and board, books, student fees, and tuition all have to be paid. Costs vary depending on the institution. Private schools are often more expensive than public and going to school out-of-state will often cost you more than in-state. Community Colleges are a less expensive option and there is a movement of students who are starting out at the CC and then transferring to a four-year institution after completing their first two years of coursework. This helps save money while the student pays cheaper tuition, lives at home, and works to save up for the greater costs of a four-year college/university.

A source of stress that is rearing its ugly head on campuses is that many students are able to find ways to be able to afford “going to college”. They get what they need to be a student. What they don’t get covered in their financial package is what I call ” [insert name of college/university] Plus”. This is all of the other “stuff” that college students want in order to take full advantage of the college experience.

This might include:

– Fraternity/sorority membership

– Participation in certain clubs/organizations/teams

– Spring Break/Fall Break trips

-Beach Week

– Study Abroad

– Alternative Spring Break

– apparel

-late night food, coffee runs, frozen yogurt, smoothies

– money to spend on the weekend excursions (cabs, festive beverages, dinners out on the town with friends, movie tickets, concerts)

and anything else that costs extra beyond basic college expenses.

This creates a class bubble and can lead to some destructive financial habits including the dreaded college credit card trap. Stay away! If needed, get one card! Only one! Emergencies ONLY! Pay it off immediately! Money also serves as a determinant of how and if students participate in extracurricular activities and it can dictate who they choose to include in their circle of friends.

Here are some financially healthier ways to figure this out:

1. Get a job! There are always offices on campus looking for student workers. Ask your Career Center about resources on campus to help you find openings. These are also usually in the school newspaper, on flyers around campus, and some schools even have Employment Fairs for on-campus jobs. The great thing about working on-campus is that your employer will make sure that you honor your identity as a student. At many of these jobs you can even do your homework during downtime and still count those hours on your timesheet. It’s convenient and you’ll learn about another aspect of the university as well as basic skills that can help you later in life. You won’t get rich BUT you’ll earn extra pocket change for those “plus” opportunities.

Of course, you can also work off-campus. Studies have shown that it is actually beneficial for a student to work 20 hours a week as it helps establish time management skills. Be upfront with your employer about your schedule as a student. Think about the proximity of your job to campus. Unless you absolutely need to, try not to work to the point that you’re actually missing out on your college experience. If you have to work, I get it, but you don’t want to resent your job and you want to make sure that whatever you’re paying for that you actually have an opportunity to be an active participant. Don’t forget, you’re in college to get your diploma. Make sure that you’re not working to the detriment of your academics.

Babysitting is often a clutch role that many students pick-up as a college student.

Check out the Psychology or Sociology department as they are often holding non-threatening and non-invasive studies in which students can serve as subjects and make a little extra money.

A great deal of students work extremely hard over the summer to bank their income in order to serve as their bucket of funds for the upcoming school year. This isn’t a bad idea and will certainly help you to develop and manage a budget.

Make sure to set up a checking account and develop a basic budget. What are your wants versus your needs? What is your family helping you pay for versus what are you responsible to pay for on your own? Keeping track will help you avoid those pesky overdrawn fees that I became way too familiar with in college.

2. Inquire about scholarships or payment plans. For things like sorority/fraternity membership, study abroad, and even some trips there may exist financial aide opportunities in the form of scholarships or payment plans. Connect with the person in charge of finances for the organization and be upfront about your payment concerns. I know that money can be hard to chat about with a peer but if you’re interested in the opportunity then you’ve got to do the work to figure out how to afford it. Just ask the general question, “Are there opportunities for payment plans or scholarships?” Believe me, this isn’t the first time this has been brought up by a student. Contact staff in the Office of Fraternity & Sorority Life or the Study Abroad Office for more information. For many trips, you pay for it during a certain period of time and not all at once. If this is the case, figure out if the payment plan is doable for you and your budget.

3. Look for alternatives. Everyone has the ability to class pass these days. If obtaining the latest gear is important to you then it is important that you become adept at obtaining the look for less. TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Ross, Target, Old Navy, H&M, Forever 21, outlet stores, ASOS, Goodwill, consignment shops, Charming Charlie’s, EBay, and clearance sales are going to become your best friends. Don’t let me loose in a Wal-Mart–I will make that $15.00 dress look like a million bucks. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. All you need is the look and not the label. Learn how to make that $25.00 dress from Target look like that $150.00 Anthropologie dress. There are so many blogs and Pinterest boards that can assist you with getting the look you want for 1/3 of the price. You wear the clothes. Also, become aware of all the discounts stores offer college students. The movie theatre, J.Crew, LOFT, Kate Spade, and many local boutiques over 10-15% off if you have a college ID. Go for the high/low approach to fashion. Splurge on the basics and save money on overly trendy items that will only be “cool” for 5 seconds. My current outfit includes a Target dress, belt that came with a TJ Maxx dress, Anthropologie flats that were 50% off and I used my birthday discount to purchase, Stella & Dot bracelet, Longchamp Tote, Old Navy Cardigan, and basic pearl studs from Macy’s. I could throw on another basic Target dress and have a whole new look tomorrow. Rock what you got! Confidence is the essence of style.

For anything that people are buying that is exorbitant in price, you can certainly find a lower-cost option including the needed textbooks. Check out AMAZON or local booksellers before you settle on the bookstore prices. There are often previous students who also will cut you a great deal on their used textbooks. Don’t forget, you can make money on those at the end of the semester. The University will often hold a Buy Back OR you can sell to fellow students. Sometimes, I would get up to $250.00 back at the end of the semester. Granted that was certainly not anywhere near the amount I spent on them but I wasn’t mad at $250.00 to help celebrate the end of the semester.

Switch up your social plan so that you can still go out, but do it differently than your peers. Perhaps you engage in festive beverages before you go out, maybe you eat dinner on your already paid for meal plan as opposed to splurging on an expensive dinner, take the free student bus and not a cab, keep coffee or chai in your room so as not to make Starbucks runs that quickly add up. Have a stash of snacks for those late night urges.

4. Scour your campus for FREE opportunities. You’re in college and there is free fun happening EVERYWHERE! Make it a game and see how many free things you can attend, eat, and take home each week. Shows, lectures, t-shirts, movies, food, sporting events, and lessons, etc. can all be found underneath your nose. Take advantage of it and take a group of friends on low budget adventures. Perhaps create a FREE STUFF resource through twitter, Facebook, or a blog to disseminate to your peers. I don’t care how much money you have, everyone loves free stuff.

5. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you can’t do all the things. I accepted that I’d never be off to Cancun for Spring Break or Italy in the summer. I accepted that I could not afford sorority membership or full-price items from J.Crew. I learned to be happy with what I had and to fill in any perceived “gaps” with all of the free or inexpensive stuff I could find. I had an amazing college experience. I’m eternally grateful that I even was able to attend college. When it gets rough, think about the bigger picture. You’re one of the privileged few that has the opportunity to receive a college education. Praise Him!

The biggest obstacle is often communicating to your friend group about your finances.

What do you say when everyone wants to call a cab to go downtown to grab dinner and festive beverages at the new swanky speakeasy?

What do you say when your girls have invited you to Vegas for Fall Break?

I would encourage you to do this, TELL THE TRUTH.

If peeps walk away from you because of your financial situation then you might want to find new friends. College is hard enough without hiding your economic situation from people and lying your way through the day by making excuse after excuse about why you can’t do things with the group. The truth also trumps unsurmountable credit card debt that could haunt you long after you graduate.

“Y’all, that’s just a bit too steep for my budget. Would you consider [insert option here]?”

“The old bank account doesn’t feel good about this one, y’all go ahead and I’ll see you in the morning for brunch at the caf.”

“You know, this event is happening on campus tonight and that makes more sense for me financially right now.”

“I’ll meet y’all there. It’ll be best for me to take the bus.”

“Thanks for inviting me along for the trip. I’m all about it and can’t wait to celebrate with y’all, but I’m going to look into making my own travel plans.”

“I’m going to eat dinner here and then I’ll be able to take the cab and grab a celebratory beverage.”

“I’m planning next Thursday night. We’ll have a fun and low-key game night with my home cooking.”

Once again living your truth invites others to do the same and it creates a learning opportunity for those that are completely oblivious to financial struggles of other students. Unfortunately, when money is not an issue for students they often assume that those around them –especially when you attend a prestigious institution that has a reputation of attracting economically privileged students–come from the same economic background and that money is not an issue for anyone and certainly not those they call their friends.

Don’t expect your friends to change their lives entirely for you but instead make the adjustments that will allow you to participate at whatever level makes you comfortable. A good friend will get it and will support you in your practices.

Money is something that we’ve been taught in the South to not speak about at the dinner table, but I think it demonstrates a great deal of maturity for a student to authentically address this matter with those who are important in shaping their collegiate experience.

Developing this practice now will also help you to not become an adult who struggles to “keep up with the Jones'”. This family has caused us all so many issues. The goal isn’t to keep up with anyone but yourself. Remember, money and stuff, will never bring you lasting happiness.

Class has to become a topic that college students become more able to discuss. College is the place to strengthen the skills to have what have been deemed “awkward conversations”. The more students can relate across class lines the better.

How are you managing your finances in college?

Hope the first year is going well. Thanks for reading.

Lata Y’all.

Lately…

August 23, 2014August 23, 2014Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve just felt this incredible sense of upset.

It takes me a good deep breath, a silent prayer, and often a good workout or drive to calm down.

Little things have been getting to me and things that I thought I was over have been creeping back into places I’d like them not to be.

As I let it all go this morning in Barre3 and decided to turn the day back on me and not spend the day in my office working away and probably further adding to my ill feelings, I stepped back and thought about all of the awesomeness God has put on my plate. As much as I preach gratitude, I still forget to wrap my heart around all the blessings and instead cozy up to the hurt to keep me ~~warm~~ cold at night.

Yes, there are many things I’d like to change in my life–the sooner the better BUT until then, I’ve got to play the hand I’ve been dealt and I only play to win ;).

Here are some highlights of the next two weeks…

1. My bubbly buddy Nicole just moved away from Nashville. She’s super awesome and I pray that CA is another place for her to spread her happiness to others. To help her drive away from TN unencumbered by “stuff”, I purchased her TV. Y’all, it’s my first flat screen TV. I’ve never owned one in the many years that I’ve been away from home. My mom gave me money to buy one two years ago but I needed tires so I made an impressively grown up decision to drop the cash on shoes for the ride and not entertainment. Well, now I’ve got my own Samsung. I’m sure the TV Gods are smiling down on me.

2. I get to go to Seattle, WA on Friday. I’ve never been to Seattle! My BFF from grad school is getting hitched! A wedding is always fun and I really want to catch a fish. I actually can’t wait to get on that plane with a book, my USA neck pillow, and not a care.

3. FOOTBALL! The ‘Dores take on Temple on Thursday night. Yes, I’ve fallen in love with college football. Yes, I’m a season ticket holder, and YES, I have planned an adorable outfit for the game. Tailgate season is back! How many new black and gold ensembles can I make happen this season?

4. JohnnySwim is at LOTG next Thursday. Let’s hope it isn’t too hot outside. They do my soul some kind of good. Can’t get enough of those two. Listen!

5. West Side Story at Schermerhorn! Fosse and the Nashville Symphony?! I win.

6. Worship Night at CrossPoint–lots of angelic voices giving praise to God. I can’t be mad at it.

7. A free workshop at The Skillery, Art Camp, Ole Miss v. Vandy at LP Field, The Lone Bellow at LOTG, and the JLN Provisional Retreat round out next week.

I’m also spending some time today reconnecting with the people I’ve come to love in Nashville. Sadly, I haven’t made a lot of time for friends lately. I need some belly laughs. As I’m writing this, one of my fave ladies sent me a text. Such a win!

As usual, I’m quite clueless as to what’s happening with my emotions. This surge of “yuck” came out of nowhere. There are a couple things that I need to actively resolve or let go. I sprung into action today and feel good about my decision to make this a selfish day. My work will get done. It always does.

Pray with me that I’ll be more conscious in choosing how I feel this week.

Thanks for reading.

Lata Y’all.

I said “no” and it was all okay.

August 23, 2014August 23, 2014Leave a comment

I said “no” and it was all okay.

Recently, I stepped back from a commitment. I’d thought about it for a few months but I kept plugging away because I’m not great at stepping back–I’m a step forward kinda girl.

After a while I realized that not only was I doing myself harm by not backing down but I was also doing the opposite of a good volunteer and I was actually hurting the organization. I wasn’t fulfilling my end of the bargain.

It all felt like an obligation. Life has too many obligations that we should not be in the business of adding more of the “o” word to our plate. I want to want to do everything that I commit my time to in this world. I want all my “extra” in life to feel like an opportunity or a privilege. I don’t want it to be painful. When I fail to prioritize something time and time again, that is a clear indication that I need to let it go. Please don’t start singing that song from Frozen. I actually am the only person in the world who doesn’t get the obsession with the song or the movie.

It hurt to write my goodbye emails but it also lifted an extremely large burden off my shoulders. Now, I don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to do it and then actually not doing it.

It is my opinion that organizations would rather have a clear “no” than a weak and noncommittal “yes”.

Don’t worry about being perceived as a “quitter” and don’t walk around thinking that the organization will fail if you walk away. Everyone in an organization should be replaceable. If not, it has bigger problems than you no longer wanting to be involved. Walking away doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the cause and in most cases, it doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be involved again at a later time. All it means is that you are taking the opportunity to take care of yourself —own that moment and honor it.

Look at your plate. Is there an item or item(s) on it that you need to bow out of graciously? Think about your exit strategy.

Why are you backing away? Don’t think about this too deeply because it could be as simple as you just don’t want to do it anymore. Maybe you want to devote yourself to other activities. Maybe you became too involved too fast and need to examine whether or not this activity meets your overall vision and mission for your life.

Who do you need to tell that you’re taking a time out? The chair of the committee, president of the organization? Maybe you want to send private emails to those folks who you’ve developed relationships with that you don’t want to have hard feelings about your departure. You can still stay connected to these folks. No need to burn bridges. The world is tiny.

Is there any transition that you need to assist with upon your departure? Should you set up a meeting to pass along materials and engage in any knowledge transfer to keep this aspect of the organization stable and poised for success? Don’t just leave the organization high and dry. Also, make sure that you update any communications that have you listed as a member of the group such as your email signature, LinkedIn, business cards, and other social media profiles.

What does the conversation sound like when you communicate with others that you’re no longer involved? You don’t owe people an ounce of an explanation but it would be wise to not bad mouth people or the organization. Perhaps you can recommend others to get involved. Maybe you decide to still support on some level (fiscally, low key volunteer position, and social media promotion, etc.). Don’t be afraid to tell people that you needed to clean up your plate of life. Your freedom to admit and live your truth invites others to do the same.

Relax! Breathe it away and keep it moving. Think about how you’re going to use this extra space in your life. Maybe you just need to do nothing with it except binge watch a show on Netflix and make it to Barre class more than twice a week. Doesn’t that sound awesome?

If you’re anything like me than you are often the last person on your to-do list AND this right here, the art of stepping back, is helping you to move yourself up spot by spot until that one magical day when you find yourself in the #1 slot.

Say “no” or “goodbye” and watch how your life changes. I am living proof that you can say these words and it all be okay. If you need some help with saying no in a way that feels better to your heart and mind check out this list below:

I encourage you to say “no” today.

Thanks for reading.

Lata Y’all.

College…Ready or Not?: Go With Your Gut!

August 20, 20142 Comments

There was a pause in my blog because I was actually working with college students and not just writing to them for the past few days. Move-In has occurred. The “visitors” are back on campus. I laugh just thinking about some of the interactions I’ve had since Saturday. Don’t worry, parents/families/guardians, we’re doing our absolute best every day to make sure they’re doing just fine. We love them and don’t even really know them yet. That’s Reason #678 that I love my job. Upon matriculation we fall in love with them and to be honest, never stop.

But, here’s the thing that students and the people that love them MUST understand. Students are going to make their own decisions–regardless of what any of us “grown folks” have said to them.

We build college up to be a time of self-discovery, exploration, experimentation, and the period of life when you begin making the journey home to yourself. We preach self-authorship and creating the life you wish you live, being the change you wish to see, “doing you”, and learning all of the nooks and crannies of who you are and what you want to be in this world. Amen! Preach on, preach on!

All of that stated above is true and Reason #679 that I love working with college students.

HOWEVER, with all of this freedom to play the game of life, another thing that we MUST get super clear about…I mean, like REAL CLEAR is that your actions have consequences. You are free to make all the decisions you want BUT you are NOT free from the consequences. We have turned college into into the “fake world” and we’re constantly preaching to students about the “real world”. Guess what? College is REAL.

You are not actually in a bubble. You are not made out of Teflon. Your actions could lead to self-harm and harm of others. Your actions could create long-term detrimental impact on your life and those you love, have loved, or could possibly love. As my pastor said tonight, The Universal Law of Consequences is actually a thing.

I know that it can be ridiculously hard in college to make a good personal decision. A decision–a choice–that is all your own and no one else’s. One that you can completely own up to and take accountability for without hesitation. You’ve got a lot of factors weighing on you at all times. Family, peers, professors, crazy staff members like me, and all the many sides of you that are playing a fiercely intense 24/7 game of Tug-of-War in your heart, mind, and soul. Oh, and your gut. Your gut is ALWAYS speaking to you. I mean, not out loud unless you know something about the gut that I don’t. In that case, please stop reading and consult your nearest physician.

What I firmly believe is that we know way more about ourselves than we take credit for. Sure, you might be 18, but if I asked you to list things that you’re 99% sure you’d never do or that you know would be really bad for you then you could do just that. When you find yourself in a multiple choice situation, your gut wakes up and it starts chattering like crazy. There is something inside of you pushing you towards “your right” answer. Notice, I said “your right answer” because what’s right for you and what’s right for someone else might not be the same. This is where it gets even more tricky, because when you’re in college–you tend to surround yourself with people who you feel are similar to you. So, if you are “the same” then you should be okay with doing the same things and making the same decisions as those other same people. Hmmm…my friends, that is false and irrational logic. This is why peer pressure is the downfall of most. You are not your roommate, teammate, or sorority sister/fraternity brother. You are, YOU! Your gut works for YOU. Don’t let someone else’s gut do the talking. If you do, then you’ll be subject to consequences that were never actually meant for you. You could have made a different decision. You could have manifested a different outcome.

This is so much easier said than done. I get it. You’re in college and the wannabe cool kid side of you is winning at tug-of-war. Sometimes, it takes a year or two to tire that kid out and wake up the side of you that has a better understanding of what’s important in life. Someone who has finally embraced what they value and want to live it out loud. No matter which senior I have spoken with throughout my 8 years of working with college students as a graduate student and as a professional, the cool kid never wins the tug-of-war tournament. In fact, at some point that person gratefully disappears from from the field.

Embrace who you are and what your gut is telling you. I’m not telling you not to explore or experiment but that’s not necessarily the best practice to have with every aspect of your life. Work real hard to muster up the courage to remove yourself from places, things, and people that don’t serve you and aren’t in your best interest. Leave that party. Quit that group. Don’t respond to those people. Don’t pop that pill. Put that cup down. Don’t go in that room. If the people you hang out with aren’t fans of your gut, then they aren’t fans of you and frankly, you can do better.

SPOILER ALERT! YOU WILL MAKE BAD DECISIONS!–you will make heartbreaking decisions during college, your actions will break your heart and the heart of people you love. This doesn’t make you a bad human. It just makes you human. Even if some people never find out about those decisions, you’ll always know and that is consequence enough. But, what you won’t do is wallow in regret and you certainly won’t accept that this is the best you can do. If you know you can do better for yourself then do that. People like me on a college campus always want to help you get back up after you fall down. We won’t even say “I told you so”.

If looking in the mirror ever becomes difficult, then let’s create a new reflection.

With everything that happens during the first semester of college and all of the options that are put on your plate, remember, your gut already knows what’s up. It has known you for 18 years. You know more than you think you know about who you are and who you want to be or want not to be in this world. Don’t silence that voice.

So, what’s your gut been telling you?

Lata Y’all!

Summer Snaps

August 18, 2014Leave a comment

Happy Monday!

Steeplechase to Bonnaroo to Alpha Xi Delta’s Founders’ Academy to Katy Perry to Beyonce to the DCC Locker Room to University of Tampa, to Delta Delta Delta Executive Office, and an incredible amount of additional adventures –all big–because adventure is always and should always be BIG. Take no adventure for granted.

Summer 2014 was real good. I spent a nice amount of time outside of Nashville and it was needed. Above are just a few highlights. One of my family members believes that no matter where I go, I have a good time. He’s 98% accurate. I have the gift of finding giggles in the mundane and belly laughs in the extraordinary. I’ve become a calmer traveler and a more go with the flow guest. There’s something about taking a minute, closing your eyes, and breathing in new air. Taking in the blessing that has allowed me to get away from it all. Getting there is more than a feat of transportation. When I travel, I’m all there and nothing about Nashville weighs down my heart or mind.

My mom doesn’t fly and we only traveled by car when I was little. I didn’t fly until I was 18 and my brother never flew until he joined the Air Force. My mom marvels at my ability to navigate the air and I know that she exhales the biggest breath in Virginia when I alert her that “I’ve arrived.” I think I go on my adventures for her just as much as I do for me.

Our students are officially back on campus and today marks the end of quiet and all that planning for the fall. Fall is here and ’tis time to put in the best work we got.

Looking forward to making Fall 2014 just as fun. Next stop: Seattle, WA for exploring and a BFF wedding. Follow me on Instagram to keep up @clarkkn.

Lata Y’all.

College…Ready or Not?: Inconvenient Friends

August 15, 20141 Comment

I didn’t realize until I was 25 that all of my schooling missed out on educating me about a very important topic–MAKING FRIENDS! I had no idea how to intentionally make a new friend.

When you’re in school your entire life, friendships just happen. It’s about proximity–youth groups, people who live in your neighborhood or who happen to have on the same color shirt. It’s never that deep. You just fall in with groups of people. I never had to approach anyone and say, “Will you be my friend?”

Friendships in college pretty much abide by the same system. Your first friends will be your roommate and the people who live on your first-year hall. At some point, you might decide to join a student organization(s). You’ll have people in your classes that you’ll connect with because of a group project or because you sit in the same seat/table 2-3 times out of the week.

So, that’s cool.

BUT, I challenge you to do more. Go that pretty sparsely populated extra mile.

Approach people who aren’t in your convenience bubble. See someone who just looks like a good person to know? Say, “Hey!” Perhaps you’ve heard good things about a person. Say, “What’s up?” Did your RA give you the contact information of a student who’s involved in a project that might interest you. Email, “Let’s get coffee.” Keep seeing that same kid around campus, y’all always offer a smile to each other, but have no idea of each other’s names? Next time, stop and simply say, “Hi, I’m [insert name here].”

People are just people. They shouldn’t make you nervous.

Every person you meet is an opportunity to change your life. Think about all of the opportunities you miss by letting people pass you by day after day.

If this sounds crazy, then inch your way toward your goal:

– Visit a student organization’s meeting. Chat with someone about the membership experience. “Hi, I’m [you know what to do], could you tell me a bit more about your experience with this organization. I’m thinking of becoming a member.” Chat it up with that member and get some contact info for follow-up information.

– Sign up for a retreat offered by the university. Leadership, diversity, service, faith–offices are always taking students on retreats. You’ll meet a ton of new people after the slew of icebreakers you’ll be asked to do as a part of the program. You’ll also be away from campus and that increases students’ propensity to bond with people they don’t know. That’s why people like me do that in the first place. A little trick of the trade.

– Tag along with a hall mate who has an entirely different circle of friends than you do. Expand that network.

– Study Abroad during your time in college. It exposes you to an entirely new group of friends.

– If at all desired, spend a summer in your college town. Since a large amount of students will have vacated campus, those students who remain often bond over their summer destination and establish a whole new friend group.

Whatever your normal path to making friends –deviate from it and take a new route to great relationships. If you master the art of this short but multi-step process, you’ll have a full life of friend making even long after you graduate college.

Step 1: Say hi!

Step 2: Chat with open-ended questions, active listening, and smiles. Show interest in them.

Step 3: Say, “This was fun, let’s get together.” or “We should hang out.”

Step 4: Add, “Can I get your email, phone number, Twitter/Instagram handle, name of your messenger owl?”

Step 5: Follow-up with provided information. Remind them of where you met, tell them you enjoyed meeting them, offer an opportunity to meet up, and a “Can’t wait to hear from you.” or “Looking forward to it.” or “Sounds chill.” —Whatever, you kids say these days.

Step 6: Actually attend the planned event.

Step 7: Step 3 (add an “again” or “We should do this again.”) + Step 5 + Step 6

Wash, rinse, repeat.

This is a challenging process for many people esp. 18-22 year olds, but once you’ve got the hang it, your life is going to become ridiculously incredible.

Why? Because most people want to meet other people. Most people want to know other people. Most people are just sitting around waiting for someone else to plan their social calendar. Most people have a difficult time engaging in this process. You do this and you win.

You’re not always going to find your next bridesmaid or groomsmen but you might meet a lovely human being who adds value to your life. Occasionally, you might meet someone who doesn’t really tickle your fancy but, there is nothing like a good moment of clarity around the kinds of people you want to fill your life and the kind you hope to keep extremely removed from your lived experience.

College creates a small world within a very large world and I promise you’ll bump into these people in the most random corners of your life. You’ll run into that guy from the retreat during a game of kickball, the person you studied abroad with works at your new law firm, the girl who was great friends with your hall mate is the volunteer coordinator of your favorite local non-profit.

This is life.

Do yourself a favor during this first- year of college and make some inconvenient friends.

Lata Y’all!

peculiarpearl

Don't be afraid to sit in the front row at your life.

Add this place to your list…

That Time I Decided to Become Myself

Fall into Fall

College…Ready or Not? –The Greek Thing.

College…Ready or Not?–College & Money: Too Much and Never Enough

Lately…

I said “no” and it was all okay.

College…Ready or Not?: Go With Your Gut!

Summer Snaps

College…Ready or Not?: Inconvenient Friends