Krystal at 13 is pretty much Krystal at 31.

May 28, 2014Leave a comment

Recently, a co-worker of mine asked me to send her “things I would have told my younger self” for In Earnest.

Younger Krystal was a pretty boring individual. I lived in my own world which rarely made since to anyone around me. I was and still am a nerd, a goody-two-shoe, and an overachiever. I just wanted my mom to be proud of me. I was a pretty good natured people-pleaser who was Star Citizen every year in grade school. However, when I look back and really think about my childhood I was bullied until high school and had major racial identity issues. It gets a bit confusing when people continuously call you and Oreo or tell you that you’re the whitest black girl they’ve ever met. I grew up in a strict household and created my own adventures. To be honest, I’m not sure that I really liked myself until around 10th grade. Strange, right? or maybe not strange but certainly sad. Different wasn’t always acceptable and I don’t think that until I moved away from home that I realized I wasn’t too different from lots of other people. I just didn’t fit in Portsmouth, VA. I belonged but I didn’t fit.

Here’s what I sent to Laura. I don’t think any of it was published but I thought it was reflective enough for me to post here for your perusal. I certainly wanted to keep it someplace for posterity.

I would tell myself that “no” is not a bad word. In fact, it is one of the strongest words that we have the capacity to use in the English language. A good intentional “no” can change your entire world whether you’re on the giving end or the receiving end. It might sting but it’ll be okay. You’ll be told “no” or you’ll say “no” a lot in your life and whenever you get up the nerve, you should totally use it.

SAVE YOUR MONEY!!! –That’s just a great habit that I never quite picked up :/.

I would tell myself to forgive my father. As I’ve gotten older, forgiveness has gotten easier in some ways and harder in others. Conversations between a man and a woman are a whole lot more complicated than those between a girl and a man. It would have been simpler when I was younger. Just call him or tell your mother you want to see him and talk it out with him. Things happened. Everyone makes mistakes but he still really loves you. Forgive and figure out the next steps. Don’t be afraid. You don’t want to have to still deal with “father issues” when you’re 31. It ain’t worth it. Daddy issues are awful! It has made me make men into an overwhelming obstacle. I don’t trust them with my heart. Reason #875 that I’m single. I know, I know, THERAPY!

I would tell myself to be okay with NOT fitting in with the rest of my environment. Preparing myself for that and accepting this piece about myself would have made growing up a whole lot easier. My brother and I were quite bi-cultural due to the two very different environments we had to navigate as African American children who spent time in the hood and the ‘burbs. That piece of our life has proven helpful but it can also be disorienting and sets you up for some hard times in figuring out your “place” in a given situation. Adaptability is important but assimilation is not. You don’t have to lose yourself in your efforts to not stick out like a sore thumb. Instead, use your gifts and watch how others are drawn to you.

I would tell myself that I’m beautiful. I would scream that at myself repeatedly. Blonde hair and blue eyes aren’t the only way to be beautiful in this world. I would tell myself to eat during grades 6-9. I would not hesitate to take my chocolate skin out into the sun and I would smile like my life depended on it.

I would tell myself that all of the things my mother kept me from doing was super great parenting and that I would greatly appreciate them in the future. She was strict –super strict and I think it made all the difference.

I would tell myself to just relax because all of those Caucasian musical artists that you really want to see in concert but can’t because you’re mom thinks it’s weird that you’ll be able to see them in Nashville in your late 20s and early 30s. Seeing Fiona Apple at The Ryman was a dream come true. Hearing Deanna Carter sing “Strawberry Wine” at Bridgestone Arena brought back so many Governors’ School memories. I would’ve like to have know that there would be a 90s cover band that would make my soul happy.

I would high-five myself for the following:
– Not having sex in Middle School and High School.
– Going to senior prom all by myself.
– Getting up the nerve to tell the mean girl that she could no longer cheat off my paper.
– Being a kick-ass cheerleader and salutatorian.
– Reading all the time.
– Learning how to use my voice and my words instead of my fists to defend myself.
– That amazing summer in Lynchburg, VA at Governor’s School which was when I think I discovered my confidence, beauty, and power.

I would give myself the stink eye for the following:
– Sometimes being the mean girl to others.
– Often being the mean girl to myself.
– Not being the best student leader that I could have been in various organizations.
– Putting way too much pressure on myself to succeed.
– Thinking that I was much better than the people around me.

It’s weird but you really are the person you’re going to be quite early in life. My issues haven’t changed and I’m still good at the same things. I still have the same foundation at 31 that I had at 13. For the most part, I think I quoted over 90% in a previous post, I love myself and all of my stuff.

What advice would you give your younger self?

Later Y’all.

#tillthewheelsfalloff

May 5, 2014May 6, 20141 Comment

At some point during 99.9% of my days I am asked the question, “How do you do so many things?” or someone makes the statement “You are everywhere.”

Here are some responses:
1. I make time for the things I want to do. Priorities, people!
2. What, do you expect me to just sit at home and watch Netflix? I mean, I do that occasionally, but I don’t think that’s the best way to live your life.
3. What do you do with your free time?
4. We live in Nashville! How are you NOT outside as much as possible?
5. I read, that’s how I know what’s going on in the city.

However, I realize that more and more of my galavanting around town has to do with my perpetual status as a single woman. When I say single, I mean single. I mean, I don’t have a houseplant and I certainly haven’t spent any of my disposable income on a cat or dog. I’m not into confinement so I will never own anything that needs me to take it on a poop walk. The day I have to choose between a Happy Hour and poop walk isn’t a day I look forward to. I go and come when I damn well please and for 99.9% of my days, I really LOVE this aspect of my life.

Now, I’m a 31 year old woman born in Virginia and currently residing in Tennessee after a 4 year stint in North Carolina. I have no hopes of ever living above the Mason-Dixon line and I do enjoy the South. With that along with my humanity comes certain comments, observations, and feelings connected to my single nature. There are times that I have wondered, “What is wrong with me?”, “Why aren’t I consciously coupled?”, “Am I ever going to have children?”, “Will it be too late by the time I find someone who’s brave enough to marry and impregnate me?”, “Why don’t men like me?”,”Do I need to lose weight?” and my oft cited response when asked about my Party of 1 status, “Boys just don’t like me.” All of this starts the loathed cycle of,

– “You’re amazing.”
– “but, you’re so beautiful.”
– “You just haven’t found him yet but he’s out there.”
– “God has a plan for you.”
– “You’ve got to put yourself out there.”
-“I’m praying for you.”
-“You know my aunt didn’t get married until she was 34 and she’s so happy that she waited.”
-“Maybe the one isn’t in Nashville.”
– “Have you tried online dating.”
-“I wish I had someone to hook you up with on a date.”

SIGH! STOP IT! JUST ACCEPT THAT I’M SINGLE AND LET’S KEEP IT MOVING. I DIDN’T SHOW UP CRYING AND I DON’T NEED ANY PITY. I KNOW I’M AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL. HE MAY NOT BE OUT THERE. DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? I’M NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY PUT MYSELF OUT THERE, SHOULD I STAND ON A BUSY STREET CORNER? PLEASE PRAY FOR ME FOR A MILLION OTHER REASONS. I CAN GIVE YOU A LIST OF MY PRAYER REQUESTS. I’M NOT YOUR CRAZY AUNT. I KNOW THAT GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME. I HATE ONLINE DATING. I LIVE IN NASHVILLE AND AM NOT GOING ON SOME CARMEN SAN DIEGO GOOSE CHASE TO SEARCH FOR A MAN. YOU PROBABLY DO HAVE SOMEONE TO HOOK ME UP WITH BUT LET’S BE HONEST I’M BLACK, YOU’RE FRIENDS ARE WHITE, AND THIS IS THE SOUTH.

Now, that we’re done with that bit of a rant.

For whatever reason, God has made this a single season of my life. I figure that I just need to own it and take advantage of the benefits. One of those benefits is being where the f*ck I want to be whenever I want to be there and spending my money on whatever the f*ck I want to. BTW, I love Jesus and the F-word. He knows my heart.

So, if you see me around town or the country loving my life and posting beautiful pictures (I’m really photogenic) on one my various social media outlets just know that my life without a leash affords me the ability to roam where I please. I don’t have to ask a soul to confirm my plans, I don’t have to lay out anyone’s clothes, I don’t have to hear anyone moan about how they don’t really like this band or don’t want to see the ballet, I don’t have to make a meal for anyone, I know whose car we’re taking, I don’t have to ask anyone if it’s okay to spend money from the joint account, I can pursue my dreams without taking someone else’s into account, and I don’t have to worry about in-laws coming to town. This is why I can “be everywhere” and do cool sh*it. It is ALWAYS my turn!

Women who mope because they aren’t in a relationship piss me off and women who constantly need to be in a relationship scare me. Women whose entire identity is wrapped up in their partner’s make me want to scream. To be honest, spending so much time alone has made me really fall in love with about 95% of Krystal. I am my best form of entertainment and I’m sociable enough that I make friends wherever I go. I laugh just as loud when I’m alone as I do when I’m surrounded by people.

Now, I’m not saying that if “the one” finds me or I find him depending on how The Big Guy wrote that in my official PLAN, that I won’t slow down or actually be content with a hot and heavy couch date. I have some friends with incredible marriages and there are days when I’d really like to have a permanent roommate or a partner in crime but until then, I’ve decided to ride this sucker till the wheels fall off! I’m free and frolicking in Nashville. Call me for a good time ;).

Later Y’all!

What’s Your Brand? Part 3

March 3, 20141 Comment

Now the interaction has occurred…what next? Whatever you do post meeting will determine your Post Presence.

1. Did you send a thank you note?
2. Did you follow through on all action items? Were discussed deadlines met?
3. Did you send an email clarifying action items?
4. If the person attempts to contact you post meeting, are you responsive?
5. If you see the person you met with after the meeting, do you have a congenial interaction?
6. If you post on social media about this interaction, was it in a positive way? Is posting on social media appropriate?
7. Do you chat with others about the interaction and if so, what is the quality of your conversation? You don’t want someone to chat with another colleague or a potential employer about your meeting and hear negative feedback. Be mindful of what you share and who you share with in your environment.
8. If needed, did you schedule a follow up meeting?

This piece is all about follow-up and follow through.

I’m all about a thank you note within the week after the encounter. I take notes during the meeting with little check boxes to ensure that I’m clear on all homework I need to do post meeting. If possible, I complete those items within 1-2 days after the meeting to show my engagement and commitment to the project at hand. I certainly strive to meet all deadlines. If I find myself stalled on a project, I communicate that to relevant stakeholders and keep them aware of my progress.

That’s it. Pre Presence, Presence, and Post Presence. Those three elements are great determinants of your brand. What do you need to do to step it up a notch?

Later Y’all

What’s Your Brand? Part 2

March 1, 2014March 1, 2014Leave a comment

Imagine the meeting is happening…

What’s going on in the meeting?

– Were you on time?
– How are you dressed? Smell good?
– Are you making eye contact?
– Did you smile?
– Was your handshake firm?
– Take note of your speech patterns. Do you sound confident? Are you using a lot of vocal pauses? Are you enthusiastic or are the other person’s eyes glazing over? What about your use of gestures?
– How do you behave while another person is speaking? Do you give them your attention or are you busy thinking about your next points?
– Do you pick up on social cues that denote that you’ve been talking for too long or that what you’re saying isn’t interesting? Perhaps you can observe if you’ve just made someone uncomfortable?
– Are you prepared? Are you taking notes appropriately? Did you come with an apparent agenda for the meeting even if it’s in your head?
– If there was a presentation involved, did you use your best public speaking skills? How about your inclusion of technology? Did it go smoothly?
– Do you have a business card?
– Make sure your phone is turned off.
– Can you answer questions posed to you about the topic at hand?
– If necessary, are action items in place prior to departing from the meeting? Did you provide a means of follow up?

You have to bring your confidence to the room. People want those that believe in who they are and their abilities. You got this!

This is all a part of your Presence. When someone meets you, what do they get? Are you polished, poised, and professional or are you a bit of a mess? Do you come off in person in a way that gets across your desired self message? Fit is important and the in-person meeting gives someone the opportunity to figure out whether or not you will fit the current/desired culture of the organization. Is your presence in alignment with your Pre-Presence?

Some would tell you to do lots of research in order to make yourself fit within the norms of an organization. That might be good advice but I would caution you to not force yourself into an uncomfortable box. I knew that if I ever desired a retail job, I could never work at Urban Outfitters,Abercrombie & Fitch, or Hot Topic but I could work at J.Crew, The Gap, or Banana Republic. Those places naturally fit me and my personal brand.

Presence is the strongest component of your brand. This is when you get to connect and live your brand out loud. What does your Presence say about you? Understand that what you bring to that room will also have lingering effects and might be dissected by others especially if this was an interview. Mock interviews are a smart way to practice and always rehearse your presentations in front of other people for honest feedback.

There are students who show up in my office that are well dressed, polite, enthusiastic, prepared, and ready to engage in a great discussion. They have an action plan for our meeting, relevant questions, and action items. They give us time to meet and don’t rush away after 10 mins of blabbering. Then there are the students who haven’t showered,are ill prepared, obviously don’t feel that this meeting is worth their attention, and don’t really have a lot of time to chat despite their intent of asking me for my time to help them or their student organization. Which of those students do you think I keep in mind for special events and when it is time to recommend people for awards? Which of those students do you think I’m willing to go above and beyond to support in achieving their goals?

Who are you when you’re at your best? Figure that out and live that because it is your brand. It is your Presence.

The way you show up in a space is beyond important. Present your best self and reap the rewards.

What’s Your Brand? Part 1

February 25, 2014August 5, 2015Leave a comment

BREAKING NEWS!

Perception matters. For all of those people out there not caring about what others think of them, just know that finding a job,obtaining a promotion, getting involved in community efforts, and just basic existing in life, might prove quite difficult. A brand strategist, Jami Dunham, stated in a recent presentation, “You have a brand whether by design or default.” Wouldn’t you rather be at the helm of the conversation?

I had the privilege of spending time with a professor who broke down everyone’s brand in three parts: Pre-Presence, Presence, and Post Presence.

Pre-Presence: Before I meet you
Presence: The meeting
Post- Presence: After we meet

What makes up your Pre-Presence? Think of anything that gives people information about you before they meet you.

– Resume (past experiences, school, major, community involvement, and, honors/awards etc.)
– Emails including that pesky signature at the bottom
– Social Media
– Word of Mouth
– References/Letters of Recommendation
– Applications
– Phone conversations

People form a perception about who you are from all of these items. I can learn a great deal about you in one swift Google search. By the way, have you Googled yourself lately? I hadn’t Googled myself in a while but as part of s lecture, the person sitting next to me had to look me up online. Eek! Luckily, I keep it classy and here’s what I thought post exercise:

1. I need to delete any social media accounts that I no longer use. What was the point of “We Heart It”? On the same note, if I use it then I need to keep outlets updated. I can’t keep throwing around my blog link if the last update was 6 months ago.

2. I should create a portfolio with all links associated with me including those for interviews, writings, photos, presentations–there were things listed that I’d totally forgotten I’d done throughout my career.

3. An updated headshot can really do your profile some good.

4. If there is something I need to warn people about, then I need to be proactive and craft a response to any questions that might pop up in an interview about that image or text. If you don’t want anyone to know about it, then don’t post it on social media. Ahem, depending on what it is, you might just not want to do it at all.

5. What I devote myself to professionally and in the community are on full display. I want people to see what I do because that also informs them of what I value. Any potential employer needs to know what you value and vice versa. If those values aren’t in some way congruent, the working relationship won’t be fulfilling.

Perception is important. Fit is critical. Employers begin assessing your fit before you walk in the door.

Tips to Pre-Presence Success
– Get your resume tidied up by a professional or an acquaintance who’s spent a lot of time hiring others. Always keep your resume freshly updated. You never know when an opportunity is going to land in your inbox.

-Are your emails grammatically correct? Did you utilize the power of spell check? Have you found a way to appropriately insert your personality into all correspondence? According to the professor you should erase that “please forgive any typos line” because it makes readers feel as if their email isn’t significant.

-Make sure to return all phone calls in a timely manner and rehearse voicemail messages once or twice before you start rambling on the machine. Also, make sure that your outgoing voicemail message is up to date and appropriate. Personalize your outgoing message and please get rid of that ring back tone. I’m terrible at listening to voicemails and often my mailbox is full. Grr! Not a good pre-presence tactic.

-Letters of recommendation/references are out of your control once you request them so work to make sure that you’re choosing people that can provide the best feedback about you and your skills. For some, the “requirement” of having your current or most recent supervisor as a reference can be bothersome. Be prepared to cover that issue with your potential supervisor and give them a heads up about the nature of your relationship with that person. Just know that if you don’t list your current or most recent supervisor, it will raise questions for your potential employer.

-Clean up your social media and/or put it on private. I monitor my social media very closely and I make sure that I don’t post anything that would cause people to question my character. My social media engagement has become a large and positive aspect of my brand.

-Word of mouth is still the most powerful determinant of Pre-Presence. Be cognizant of what you’re putting out in the world because word travels fast. Most people don’t adhere to the list of references submitted by the applicant. Informal means of communication are regularly used to gather feedback on a candidate.

Hmm…think about potential employers as your customers. They talk to each other about you and essentially about your brand. What do you think they’re saying about you?

I strongly encourage you to take some time and tighten up your Pre-Presence. What are the things floating out in the world that can assist others in forming an opinion of your brand? Make sure your Pre-Presence reflects you in a desired manner. First impressions aren’t just made in person. In 2015, my first impression of you is made quickly after a few clicks on your Facebook Page or a scroll through your Twitter feed. Make sure the results are in your favor.

Good Deal.

February 15, 2014February 15, 2014Leave a comment

Greetings…

Long time no see…

Well, let’s just say that life as it often does, got the best of me and my blog fell to the bottom of my priority list. No apologies, just a statement of truth.

I am taking a bit of time to refocus my blog and center it around my current values system.

1. Education
2. Professional Development
3. Community Engagement
4. Faith
5. Personal Development

Fashion and cute little things will no longer be a part of the equation. Music will only be covered in connection with community engagement–I still live in Nashville. I want to concentrate on lessons learned and action steps. What? So what? Now what?

As I’m working on the launch, please follow me over on Tumblr at http://peculiarpearl.tumblr.com/. Follow my daily adventures and my new #100happydays journey.

So…are we cool again? I’ll get back to writing and you’ll get back to reading? Deal! Good Talk!

Photo Courtesy of http://www.leelacyd.com/.

Why Don’t I Do That Anymore?

December 22, 20132 Comments

As I’m working on rediscovering my happy I have reflected on things that used to make me happy that for some reason I don’t do anymore. I’m sure at the time I had reasons for stepping away from that activity BUT now I just can’t seem to remember (is that part of the old age?) .

Thing 1: ZUMBA!
Thing 2: Style blogging
Thing 3: Serve on the First Impressions Ministry at my church
Thing 4: Scour the Internets for FREE things to do in Nashville and do them whether in a group or on a solo mission.
Thing 5: Plan random friend outings/hang out with a now 17 year old who made me giggle

In 2014, I’m going to attempt to work these things back into my life. Small doses at first and then I’ll take an internal assessment on how these past happies fit into my current life.

What are some things that have faded from your life that might give you a happiness boost this new year? As I think more about this I realize that I loved doing these things because they made me love myself more. I liked me better when I was doing these things. Hmm…

Later Y’all.

2014 will be different, right?

December 22, 2013Leave a comment

Thanks Thought Catalog for providing another must-read list. As we move closer to 2014 most of us are starting to think about what we’re going to do differently this time around the block. The post “24 Rules for Being A Human Being in 2014” just might provide some desired guidance.

I decided to do a little self assessment to see which of these areas I want to concentrate on for the year 2014. I think I’d totally set myself up for failure if I vowed to work on all 24 items.

Here are my 6 Focus Rules:
1. Learn to be okay with not being okay.
5. Realize that perspective determines everything.
9. Be radically, sincerely honest. Be shocked at how deeply you can connect with people when you are.
17. Understand that letting go and moving on means very humbly and slowly gesturing in the direction of which you’d like to reach.
22. Stop shaming yourself for doing things that are perfectly, normally human, but happen to be deemed imperfect in society.
24. Reach out to people, open your heart, and watch how eagerly they jump in and do the same.

My true test for a few of these will be my trip home to VA tomorrow. Living away from home often leads me to not share the reality of my life until I absolutely have to do so. I just don’t want my family to worry. Usually, my life isn’t this topsy turvy. I promise, I’m pretty steady, but the last 6 months have really thrown me for a loop.

All of these rules involve getting in touch with my feelings. I haven’t always been a “feeler” or at least that’s what I’ve tricked myself into believing BUT let’s be honest, I have a big heart that I’ve constructed a wall around and the “older” I get the weaker the wall becomes. Ick! I guess I could rebuild the wall but then I might as well purchase that cat and get a hysterectomy while I’m at it.

2014 can only be better if I decide I want it to be better. Decisions need to be made and I’m the only one that can make them. Exhale!

Later Y’all. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays.

“It is so great to know that you’re not perfect.”

December 11, 2013December 11, 2013Leave a comment

This is what I’ve been hearing from my friends lately. I know that this response to my recent life updates does not contain one ounce of maleficence. It is just their way of being brutally honest about their relief at the difference between their perception of my life and the reality of it.

Summer & Fall 2013 have been quite different from the normal path of Krystal. I haven’t committed manslaughter or had a quickie wedding in Vegas that was annulled at the behest of my livid mother in 48 hours–but things have just veered a bit off track as defined by me and the people who “know” me. I am essentially having a life that I would have judged and still might judge another woman for having, especially at my age. Eek! I guess that serves me right for being a judger. I do not have that authority!

Let’s be honest…this is ALL my fault. The fact that people believe that I have it all figured out, that my life is super good, I make few mistakes, I’m super cute for every event, I have more confidence than anyone in the world EVER, I get EVERYTHING done all the time, that I’m teflon and don’t let petty feelings get in my way and of course that I’m this overly strong black woman and a beacon of what it means to be completely happy and successful while single and 30 is my fault. I have led them to believe this by my actions and the constant chronicling of my life via social media. My highlight reel looks AMAZEBALLS–the actual film is a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen.

I’m mostly happy and I’m very blessed but I am not perfect and things that might bother other women who are single and 30 totally bother me too. Like, just being single and 30 is beginning to bug me. Tick Tock, Tick Tock goes the biological clock! I do have feelings and I’m actually way more sensitive than you think. I laugh a lot but sometimes it is actually to keep from crying. “I’m a real girl (in my Pinocchio voice)!”

I wear a mask just like most other people. I’ve recently become more comfortable with being vulnerable and sharing my “stuff” with people that I know will love me anyway. Their response, “I’m so happy that you’re not perfect.” “I’m really happy that this is happening to you.” “Girl, relax and have some fun.” “If you’re having a breakdown, then I feel much better about my issues.”

Awesome…

$fissures and fractures$

Tonight, Jon Acuff (who you should look up immediately) shared with us the message that our scars serve as lighthouses for others who are about to hit the same rocks that we have in our journey. It is important that people know your story and that you give people an insider’s look–Behind the Music or better yet, The Actor’s Studio, because act is what most of us do all day. We ACT as if we’re doing well, we act as if our relationships are perfect, we act like we have completely accepted ourselves, we act like we have the best relationship with Christ, we act like we aren’t in debt, and we act like we aren’t afraid. And the Academy Award goes to…

By opening up to my friends, our relationships have strengthened and there is a reciprocity of support that is built between someone who knows who you are and loves you anyway. There hasn’t been an ounce of judgement, only love along with empathy, sympathy, helpful humor, and hugs.

My name is Krystal and I’m actually a bit of a mess. A well dressed mess but still a mess. At 30, I’m coming to the conclusion that being a mess doesn’t make me less than, it actually makes me more–more human, more honest, more relatable,and more able to address my issues now that I can say them out loud over Margherita Pizza at City House, dessert at Cheesecake Factory, Wine at Bistro 360, and wherever else it all happens to be poured onto the table. It also, in many cases, makes me more grateful because I fully know that I don’t deserve any of the blessings that the Lord has bestowed upon me. I am so thankful for His Grace. He hasn’t given up on me and He never will no matter how much I continue to disappoint him. More of Him and less of Me is what I desire but that is so much easier said than done.

Le sigh! If I would have known that being less than perfect would help not only me, but also those around me, I would have dropped this act a long time ago. The whole adage of “Live your truth” means more and more to me everyday.

Lata Y’all!

Chasing Bubbles

November 13, 2013November 14, 2013Leave a comment

I have realized that all areas of my life cannot possess a high level of focus. I mean, I already knew this BUT it still gives me a bit of anxiety when I’m highly proficient in one area and super sucky in another area. My mind and body can only prioritize one area at a time. Those things that easily consume me and put me in a state of flow also make me think that I should be doing that for a living and not mucking my way through my current career path. Hmmm…

While in NY, I helped a friend create a visual representation of the various quadrants of his life. We chatted about overlap and how much of himself he was devoting to each quadrant, whether that level of devotion actually matched his value system, and the consequences and benefits of maintaining his current state of prioritization. Getting to a state of “equilibrium” is a mindset and not an actual thing. “Balance” is a piece of poop that’s been heaped on our heads. We make choices and those choices craft the days of our lives. None of our lives are evenly split amongst all that’s happening in our head and heart. Let’s just accept that and keep it moving. Your “equilibrium” is defined by you and only you know when you’ve reached a satisfactory state. Own it.

What would your graphic look like? Here is mine. Excuse the screenshot.

Vanderbilt, Nashville, Family, Friends, and ME in the middle. I call these bubbles, because like bubbles, they float around (sometimes aimlessly), collide with each other (I have friends that live in Nashville that also work at Vandy), burst each other (crisis at works means no time for friends), and let’s be honest sometimes they just pop! However, bubbles can be fun but also super annoying. They bring joy but really suck if the solution gets into your eye. They also come in different sizes.

My biggest bubble right now is not probably what it should be BUT I’m just looking for some joy and by doing that I’m actually putting myself into the center of things. I’m working really hard not to apologize for this. I’m taking it as a win that I’m at least aware of my priorities and now I just have to continue chasing bubbles. Breathe.

Lata Y’all.

peculiarpearl

Don't be afraid to sit in the front row at your life.

Category: Personal Development