It has been a while since I’ve written. Life’s been flying past and  I haven’t taken the time to write about it.

Today, I had an urge. This urge happens every once in a while. I’m not sure what triggers it but when it happens I don’t fight it–I fully indulge and satisfy it as soon as possible.

The urge? To watch The Hills.

I know, call me crazy but that show sticks with me more than almost anything I’ve ever watched in my life. I’ve watched A LOT of TV but I could watch this series from beginning to end on a regular basis without any issue.

Maybe because I watched it during a very formative time (college/graduate school/first job in NC). LC –> Lauren was a constant in my world for years. I mean, I watched Laguna Beach too and thought it was absolute genius.

Maybe because of the fashion. I still take fashion cues from those ladies and I own so much Lauren Conrad for Kohl’s it is ridiculous.

Maybe because I really like Lauren and Whitney. Like, I want to hang out with them. They were young working women trying to figure it all out and I could see that real life was actually happening to them through all the layers of “reality tv”. I mean, when Whitney fell on GMA, I fell with her.

Maybe because it was an escape from my real life and I just wished that one of my weeks was as eventful as one of their 30 minute days. The people on the show entered my home and took me to LA which seemed a lot cooler than Williamsburg, VA, College Park, MD, and Durham, NC. I actually went to LA and looked as hard a possible for Lauren. Instead, I was super satisfied to just be at places that I’d seen on the show. The Grove was a spiritual experience and eating at Toast and Pinkberry changed my life.

Maybe it was the music which ended up on my iPod. Augustana’s “Sunday Best” was on repeat right after the “Lauren chooses Jason over Paris” episode. I hated her decision but I loved that song.

I’m guessing it is a mixture of all of the above.

When the show ended (when Lauren left) a chapter in my life closed too. My go-to was no more.

Oh, well. Watching it or evening having it play in the background transports me to a simpler time and I feel a weird sense of comfort. Never knew a show could linger for such a long time.

Thanks to Hulu for having seasons available and for MTV for hosting retro reruns of the series.

Now back to watching/listening while I finish out the workday.

 

The following tunes are making my ears happy these days:

1. Rihanna- Where Have You Been

2. Katy Perry- Wide Awake

3. Demi Lovato- Give Your Heart A Break

4. Michael Jackson- Off the Wall

5. Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder- The Fighter

6. David Guetta, Sia- Titanium

7. Fun.- Some Nights

8. Skrillex & Nero Remix- Promises

9. Kanye West- Mercy

10 Eric Church- Over When Its Over

11. Old Crow Medicine Show- Wagon Wheel

12. Luke Bryan- Drunk on You

13. Hunter Hayes – Faith to Fall Back On

14. Fiona Apple songs as played by Vitamin String Quartet

15. Explosions in the Sky- Your Hand in Mine

16. John Mayer- Worry Why Should I Care & Olivia

In response to the article Pledge Prep.

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Do the problems addressed in this article exist? Yes. Do we need people like Rushbiddies and poorly done pieces in the NYTimes further perpetuating the problems? No. I’m not blind to what sorority recruitment is like for women. I’ve seen the horror stories  firsthand. It isn’t always pretty BUT we need people to transform the culture of sorority recruitment and not “train” or “coach” women to play into the sometimes detrimental culture of this mutual selection process. Let me take that back– we don’t need “people “to create that change. We need to create that change!

What is described in Moore’s article is a piece of the truth. However,  her generalization of sorority recruitment is just that, a generalization. Indiana does not use NPC’s Release Figure methodology which leads them to have large numbers of women who are left unmatched during the formal recruitment process whereas for a campus that does subscribe to this method the whole goal is to match the most women possible to sororities. Some institutions also have  an upperclass quota which gives sophomores and juniors a better chance at being accepted into a sorority. Women become members during the continuous open bidding process and adding new chapters creates more opportunities for our women to join.

Letters of recommendation are not required at many schools but instead, if the inter/national organization requires these letters, it is up to the chapter to obtain these letters for the potential new members. They do this by contacting their local alumnae chapter to pitch in with this effort. The  National Panhellenic Conference does not require these letters. I’ve actually seen these letters hurt women depending on the campus climate. Letters of recommendation are quite classist and leave many first –generation college students in a bad position because they and their families might not have the social capital that would give them access to sorority alumnae. I am a first generation, African American, college student from a low socioeconomic status. To my knowledge I didn’t know a single person who is a member of an NPC sorority/women’s fraternity.  This could be the same for international students who are often completely unaware of the concept of Greek Life. On top of that, I didn’t know what Saks Fifth Avenue was when I was 18 and Lilly Pulitzer could have been someone who lived on the next block for all I knew. There are many women coming to college who are in a similar position and people are realizing that by requiring these letters they could be harming the diversity of their membership. We are doing a great service to the sorority experience by not engaging in tactics that could hinder the diversity of our chapters. Our campuses are steadily becoming more diverse and access is crucial to sustain the existence and the relevance of the sorority community.  Are sororities the most accessible extra curricular option on a college campus? Absolutely not. As long as the prices of membership continue to be in the thousands problems of access will never be easily solved but with limited scholarship help, payment plans, and jobs women are choosing to find ways to cover membership costs.

Potential new members are strongly encouraged to go into recruitment with an open mind. Everyone will not be able to get their first choice. Some women will drop out of the process for a variety of reasons and some women will not get bids. For those women who go into the process willing to maximize their options they have a large chance of securing a bid on Bid Day. For those that come into the process with tunnel vision and only want the “most popular” chapters she might not achieve what she has deemed as success. Because of this, perspectives on chapters are greatly shaped by the results of each day’s membership selection. A woman who never thought she’d be an XYZ finds that by the time she gets to Round 4 all she has left is XYZ. She has a large decision to make at the time; do I pursue XYZ or drop out of the process? The vast majority will continue on with XYZ. For the majority of the women I’ve seen during the five formal recruitments I have played a role in during my graduate school and professional years —it more often than not works out in the end.

The fact that these women are getting paid to “coach” these women adds a befuddling dynamic. The stuff they are teaching is quite basic and things that many students, without coaching, come to college with a basic understanding. If not, where are the parents in the socialization process of their children? I never had an $8,000.00 coach but I know not to center conversations with people I’ve just met on politics and religion.  I also know to present myself at a nice event.

Recruitment is emotional for everyone involved. This is why we have a counseling center, Gamma Chis, Greek Life Staff members, friends, and family members. There isn’t any need to pay someone to be your daughter’s “on-call recruitment consultant”. For most of these women that person is their mom, their roommate, a sibling, the Panhellenic advisor, or their friend who is going through the same experience but it is certainly not a paid stranger.

Yes, recruitment can be incredibly superficial. Part of this comes from the format of formal recruitment. Try inviting a group of 60 women over to your home  to get to know you and 130 of your closest friends. What do you think that will look and sound like? Oh, by the way you have to accomplish this goal in 35 minutes and once they leave make decisions about whether you’d want to invite them back to tomorrow’s scheduled party always with the thought in the back your head, “Do I want this person to be my sister?” So, yes there are flaws in the process and it doesn’t allow the students to explore each other in depth the way that might be needed in sorority land. Values based recruitment is making its way into our chapters but we have a long way to go.

Being in a sorority is about becoming a better version of yourself and not a totally new person. The goal is to find a group that has values that resonate with you. Can you live a congruent life while being a member of this organization? If the answer is yes, then they should be a part of your selections but if the answer is no, then it is okay to not pursue membership in that group.

There are some positives in this article:

• PNM will need to fill out a registration form that will ask them to list leadership positions, campus/high school involvement, community service, and GPA. This does come into play when chapters are selecting members. This isn’t a bad thing as these are organizations that value leadership, academic excellence, service, and involvement. Yes, PNM will also be asked for their photo. This is mainly because each chapter sees, on our campus, around 600 in the course of one day and they need to be able to tell the Katie they met in Event 1 from the Katie they met in Event 3. Imagine seeing 600 people in one day and having to sit down at the end of the day and tell them apart. Eek!
• Sororities are an incredible social network that you are a part of for a lifetime and they are an extension of community service and leadership development began in high school.
• Sorority membership is growing which is fantastic. However, we need to weary of the growth and the reasons behind it. Why do women want to become members of sororities in increasing numbers? Is it because of the valued reasons of membership or the Lilly Pulitzer prints, cooler painting, and idyllic southern lifestyle that are strongly promoted in social media? On every campus there are groups that are highly sought after but once gain I urge you to inquire as to why this is the case. Is it because they have high academic standards or because they hang out with the most handsome fraternity men?
• Women can be “released”, as we no longer say “cut”, from recruitment because of grades. We have a minimum standard of 2.5 but chapters may have higher standards. Women should strive for the best grades possible. They are students first.
• Yes, we give the women a dress code but we do not bring in Saks Fifth Avenue to hold a fashion show. Our women vetoed bringing in Rent the Runway because they felt it sent a message that women had to go out and purchase a brand new labeled wardrobe for recruitment when that is not the case. Dress codes are common as women navigate the world but looking professional and polished  or chic and cute does not have a price tag. I manage to do it on a Target budget and these women can too. Some schools are creating the same t-shirt that each PNM wears during certain rounds of the process in order to take off the pressure of finding the right outfit.
• Receiving help with putting your best foot forward and the proper ways to network is helpful.  However, this article makes it sound incredibly elitist and based on name brands as opposed to getting to know the person behind the overly expensive dress and shoes. Coach them to help them figure out what they value and to articulate all they have to offer. I can get behind that movement. Also, let’s make these services more accessible.

An article like this, as opposed to positively promoting the sorority experience, is actually having the adverse effect. Responses from many non-Greeks have included them feeling even more affirmed in their decision to not go Greek in college. I am sure that many potential new members are now scared out of their minds to pursue membership, and sadly there are probably some daughter’s begging their parents or using their summer earnings to fork over $100-$8,000.00 to hire a “coach” for recruitment. From my colleagues in Greek Life, I have seen mostly negative feedback. Many sorority women I know are embarrassed after reading the article and are finding it difficult to defend.

We want the world to take sororities seriously as women’s leadership, social, service, and scholarship organizations. Charging women an obnoxious amount of money to tell them to wear strappy black sandals isn’t helping our cause. We have to do better and instead of dressing these women up to fit on some southern sorority Pinterest board let’s focus on helping them become comfortable with who they already are and putting their best foot forward whether that is in an Ugg Boot, a Jack Roger’s Sandal, or the newest Payless BOGO deal. Let’s empower them to be strong and motivated women leaders with a positive body image and high level of self efficacy instead of making them nervous that someone might know their dress is from Target or last season. Instead of telling our women to lose 10lbs. let’s make sure they are engaging in healthy habits and love themselves regardless of their weight.

Once again, sorority recruitment needs work on many levels. We have made formal recruitment into the superficial mess that it has become. Values-based recruitment is happening slowly but surely. NPC’s Unanimous Agreements concerning membership recruitment have been helping to change communities. There is so much work to do and there are great people out there doing that work BUT companies like RushBiddies and articles that showcase their usage continue to push us into the wrong direction. I have no doubt that these women have good intentions and have great belief and passion in the power of sorority but somehow this has been mangled into an article which, like way to many other articles, puts sororities in a bad light. True, the sororities have to stop providing the fodder for the media. I love to work with professionals and students who want to create positive change in the sorority recruitment process and luckily, I get to do so everyday. Recruitment has, in many cases, become about the value of your clothing and not the value of your character. How do we get Greek back to good if we can’t recruit with the best part of who we are as sorority women? We don’t like this article so we have to do something about it. Time to get back to work.

Check out this video.

 

*These are my personal views and do not serve to represent the institution at which I work. Just an exercise in reflecting by writing.

So, as I was sitting in my apartment I realized that Lauren Conrad was staring at me. No, she wasn’t in my apartment (although I wouldn’t mind meeting her and chatting about that whole Jason/Paris fiasco that ruined an entire night of graduate school for me and my next door neighbor–really, Lauren? Jason over PARIS!) Oh, sorry back to the original point of the blog. Anywho, Lauren was on the cover of the May issue of Glamour Magazine. There are times in which I don’t really read the entirety of the magazines I purchase but I, like a child, look at the pretty pictures and tear them out for my fashion inspiration piles. In keeping with this trend I missed reading the piece entitled, “How to Be Happy: 30 things every woman should have (and should know) by age 30”. Well, is it just a coincidence that I am 29 with 9 months to spare until I’m the big 3-0? I decided to delve back into this issue for a bit of substance this time around. 

The article is a mix of a list of 15 things you should have and 15 things you should know. There is also advice from some of our fave celeb bffs including Suze Orman to Lisa Ling with a sprinkle of Rachel Zoe, Katie Couric, and Taylor Swift?! in the mix. 

I jumped directly to the Have/Know List mainly because this was in short blurbs and I did have to find my way to work eventually. 

Not to ruin the whole article for you as I’m sure you will google it as soon as you read this blog but here are some places on the list that I fell short: 

#1–Great start, kiddo! “One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. –I know that from my pic you can tell that I’m pretty gorgeous (sarcasm) BUT I’ve only had O-N-E boyfriend in my 29 years of life. Do I fulfill this “HAVE” if I feel this way about one individual? I’m not sure I would say “no” if he asked me back into his life but I would certainly have to think about it long and hard. Super difficult to get over your first and most recent love to date. Maybe I just need to find another boyfriend? Easier said than done, my friends. 

#4- “A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.” -Well, I need new luggage. A wheel fell off and I overpacked one bag to the point that it split.  I have everything else. 2/3 ain’t bad, right? 

#11- “A set of screwdrivers (check), a cordless drill (nope), and a black lace bra (nope).”–Maybe, that’s why I’m having trouble with #1. 

#13- “The belief that you deserve it.” -That’s tricky because I know I don’t deserve God’s blessings BUT I’m super thankful for His grace and the way He loves me. I work hard and I hope that this behavior works in my favor. I deserve to be treated in a respectful manner. So, I guess I have this one under control but not in the way Glamour has phrased it. 

#15- “A solid start on a satisfying career (check), a satisfying relationship (nope–see #1) and all those other facets of life that do get better.” –Such as…? 

By 30, you should know…

#1- “How to fall in love without losing yourself.” –See #1 and #15 in “Haves”. I haven’t had much practice. I lost myself the first time. I fell hard and it took years to get back up. The end. 

#2- “How you feel about having kids.” –Kinda depends on the whole relationship thing. I’d be a great mom, that’s a fact. Do I feel I need that right now, nope. Would I want that if I met the right partner? Yep. 

#6- “The names of the secretary of state (yep), your great grandmothers (nope), and the best tailor in town (nope).”–I should ask my mother about this one. All but one of my grandparents is dead. Way closer to my maternal grands than my paternal. I’ll call mom later this week and ask.  

#15- “Why they say life begins at 30!” –Hmm, I guess I have to get there first. Get excited! 

 

All in all, I’m not upset with this list but I feel that all things happen in due time. If I don’t get these things accomplished by 30, I don’t think I’ll be removed from the game of life. I’m a late bloomer in love and relationships. It is what it is. Am I lonely? No. Would it be nice to have someone around? Sure. If 30 is the new 20 then I guess I actually have an extra 10 year period to check off all these items. Isn’t that how it works? As far as the material items, I am more than willing to add a few things to my shopping list. Home Depot, here I come! I don’t know what Glamour’s sources were in compiling this list BUT I don’t look to Glamour for Pulitzer worthy literature. I mean other taglines inlcuded, “My Mom is on Real Housewives” and “Sex Do’s and Don’ts”. None of these list items bad but they aren’t really the most in depth thoughts one could have about aging. They could, at least, make the language inclusive. Glamour, would it kill you to say partner? 

Recently, I pulled my name out of contention for a leadership role in my professional association. I spent some time reflecting on my priorities and realized that I had no passion for the position. I submitted my materials because someone believed in me to nominate me and because I mean, its what I do. I apply for things and often I win them. This is a blessing and a curse. I stepped back during my time in GA and TX teaching college sorority women to explore their values and to live congruently with those values to do the same with my own. If this position isn’t in alignment with what I value then why am I doing this? What is the point? 

That, my readers, is something you need to know by the age of 30 and if possible if you could learn it by the age of 18 that would be awesome. Figure out what you value and live it. Truly use your values as your guideposts. Consult your values in your decision making. What do you care about? When you know what you care about and you act accordingly then your life will flow in a way that will allow you to look in the mirror and feel good about who you are in that very moment. 

This is not easy and it is a process but if you can practice on a daily basis I promise that any weight on your shoulders will be lifted. When I sent the email that freed me from this election I instantly felt better. I felt light, happy, and I felt empowered. I felt like me. If you can do this then the rest of this list will fall into place or it won’t BUT you’ll totally be fine either way because as least you’ll know who you are. Would you rather be able to drill a hole in your wall OR live an authentic life? Totally up to you. No pressure :). 

Hey Glamour, let’s add that to next year’s list. THANKS! 

 

 

 

I have to get the things I think about out on paper otherwise they swim around and around and around. Drives me nuts! Here we go:

– Figure out how much graduate school is actually going to cost. Do I really want to go back and do I really want to go to Vandy’s program with the faculty melting? Do I want to pay back a substantial amount of debt for the rest of my life? Is it worth it? Seriously the government is not making me happy right now…

– Massive closet REMIX! I need more ensembles out of my existing pieces. Gotta get back on the cease fire of shopping. Laundry might be helpful. I purchased two dresses last night and I’m happy with them BUT I don’t NEED any more clothes.

– Nashville Emerging Leader Awards–What am I going to wear? How do I use this as leverage for futher involvement in the city?  How else can I involve myself in Nashville? I’ll be okay if I don’t win BUT what next?

– Put my apartment back together. I have a new accent wall and need to upack from GA and TX.

– Get my brakes fixed.  $$$$$

– Plan two more girlfriend outings for July. Who’s Bad Concert is happening but what else can me and the ladies do in Music City?

– Plan for Provisional Advisor Position. Buy a new notebook for this role.

– Get BBBS under control.

– CGT- Fall schedule needs to be set. Topic matter? First Mondays of each month will need to be relocated because of Junior League stuff.

– Clean out my car.

– AFA Volunteer Role/RD Interview –Why am I running to be Region II Director again?

– Clean out my storage closet. So much paper! Time to purge.

– Send out some handwritten notes/cards. Where is my address book?

Great. Now I can concentrate on work until 4:30pm…then I’m off to girl’s night :). It will all get done and if not well, “Worry, why should I care?” Great John Mayer song–listen to it NOW!

Welcome to my head. Hope you survived the visit :).