“It is so great to know that you’re not perfect.”

December 11, 2013December 11, 2013Leave a comment

This is what I’ve been hearing from my friends lately. I know that this response to my recent life updates does not contain one ounce of maleficence. It is just their way of being brutally honest about their relief at the difference between their perception of my life and the reality of it.

Summer & Fall 2013 have been quite different from the normal path of Krystal. I haven’t committed manslaughter or had a quickie wedding in Vegas that was annulled at the behest of my livid mother in 48 hours–but things have just veered a bit off track as defined by me and the people who “know” me. I am essentially having a life that I would have judged and still might judge another woman for having, especially at my age. Eek! I guess that serves me right for being a judger. I do not have that authority!

Let’s be honest…this is ALL my fault. The fact that people believe that I have it all figured out, that my life is super good, I make few mistakes, I’m super cute for every event, I have more confidence than anyone in the world EVER, I get EVERYTHING done all the time, that I’m teflon and don’t let petty feelings get in my way and of course that I’m this overly strong black woman and a beacon of what it means to be completely happy and successful while single and 30 is my fault. I have led them to believe this by my actions and the constant chronicling of my life via social media. My highlight reel looks AMAZEBALLS–the actual film is a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen.

I’m mostly happy and I’m very blessed but I am not perfect and things that might bother other women who are single and 30 totally bother me too. Like, just being single and 30 is beginning to bug me. Tick Tock, Tick Tock goes the biological clock! I do have feelings and I’m actually way more sensitive than you think. I laugh a lot but sometimes it is actually to keep from crying. “I’m a real girl (in my Pinocchio voice)!”

I wear a mask just like most other people. I’ve recently become more comfortable with being vulnerable and sharing my “stuff” with people that I know will love me anyway. Their response, “I’m so happy that you’re not perfect.” “I’m really happy that this is happening to you.” “Girl, relax and have some fun.” “If you’re having a breakdown, then I feel much better about my issues.”

Awesome…

$fissures and fractures$

Tonight, Jon Acuff (who you should look up immediately) shared with us the message that our scars serve as lighthouses for others who are about to hit the same rocks that we have in our journey. It is important that people know your story and that you give people an insider’s look–Behind the Music or better yet, The Actor’s Studio, because act is what most of us do all day. We ACT as if we’re doing well, we act as if our relationships are perfect, we act like we have completely accepted ourselves, we act like we have the best relationship with Christ, we act like we aren’t in debt, and we act like we aren’t afraid. And the Academy Award goes to…

By opening up to my friends, our relationships have strengthened and there is a reciprocity of support that is built between someone who knows who you are and loves you anyway. There hasn’t been an ounce of judgement, only love along with empathy, sympathy, helpful humor, and hugs.

My name is Krystal and I’m actually a bit of a mess. A well dressed mess but still a mess. At 30, I’m coming to the conclusion that being a mess doesn’t make me less than, it actually makes me more–more human, more honest, more relatable,and more able to address my issues now that I can say them out loud over Margherita Pizza at City House, dessert at Cheesecake Factory, Wine at Bistro 360, and wherever else it all happens to be poured onto the table. It also, in many cases, makes me more grateful because I fully know that I don’t deserve any of the blessings that the Lord has bestowed upon me. I am so thankful for His Grace. He hasn’t given up on me and He never will no matter how much I continue to disappoint him. More of Him and less of Me is what I desire but that is so much easier said than done.

Le sigh! If I would have known that being less than perfect would help not only me, but also those around me, I would have dropped this act a long time ago. The whole adage of “Live your truth” means more and more to me everyday.

Lata Y’all!

Chasing Bubbles

November 13, 2013November 14, 2013Leave a comment

I have realized that all areas of my life cannot possess a high level of focus. I mean, I already knew this BUT it still gives me a bit of anxiety when I’m highly proficient in one area and super sucky in another area. My mind and body can only prioritize one area at a time. Those things that easily consume me and put me in a state of flow also make me think that I should be doing that for a living and not mucking my way through my current career path. Hmmm…

While in NY, I helped a friend create a visual representation of the various quadrants of his life. We chatted about overlap and how much of himself he was devoting to each quadrant, whether that level of devotion actually matched his value system, and the consequences and benefits of maintaining his current state of prioritization. Getting to a state of “equilibrium” is a mindset and not an actual thing. “Balance” is a piece of poop that’s been heaped on our heads. We make choices and those choices craft the days of our lives. None of our lives are evenly split amongst all that’s happening in our head and heart. Let’s just accept that and keep it moving. Your “equilibrium” is defined by you and only you know when you’ve reached a satisfactory state. Own it.

What would your graphic look like? Here is mine. Excuse the screenshot.

Vanderbilt, Nashville, Family, Friends, and ME in the middle. I call these bubbles, because like bubbles, they float around (sometimes aimlessly), collide with each other (I have friends that live in Nashville that also work at Vandy), burst each other (crisis at works means no time for friends), and let’s be honest sometimes they just pop! However, bubbles can be fun but also super annoying. They bring joy but really suck if the solution gets into your eye. They also come in different sizes.

My biggest bubble right now is not probably what it should be BUT I’m just looking for some joy and by doing that I’m actually putting myself into the center of things. I’m working really hard not to apologize for this. I’m taking it as a win that I’m at least aware of my priorities and now I just have to continue chasing bubbles. Breathe.

Lata Y’all.

My Best Self

November 4, 2013Leave a comment

Recently, I was asked the question, “When are you at your best self?”

I tend not to know that I was my “best self” until the moment has long passed or I receive feedback from others that I brought my “A” game.

After thinking for a bit I responded with the first context that popped into my head. I’m at my best when I’m on a stage and I’m given free reign to express myself. Note: I don’t actually have to be on a stage or elevated surface, but in front of people and communicating a message. I mean, good lighting doesn’t hurt ;).

I have pondered this question since that interaction and have since decided that I’m also at my best self in the following situations:

1. When I’m giving back to others.
2. When I have made a list and I attack it item by item.
3. When I’ve had the ability to plan/reflect/prepare before a meeting or conversation. I’m the girl who had to study prior to going to study group.
4. When I have a peaceful morning routine that includes fitness, God, and breakfast.
5. When I’m in a place that allows me to flame “Krystal”. I have a big personality and she needs room to frolic. My laugh alone causes some people hearing issues.

There is a point to figuring out the answer to this inquiry. 1. If you know when you’re at your best then you can work to put yourself into that space on a regular basis. Who doesn’t want to be be their best as much as possible? 2. This is a great foundation for an interview question. When people ask your strengths/weaknesses or your preferred working environment then you can go back to this question and deduce answers for your response. 3. Self-promotion is super important and women have been shown to struggle with tooting their own horn in the workplace. It is important to be able to communicate your best moments and show the products of those moments to others who can help you get to another level in your career. 4. Usually your self-defined “best self” helps you understand what you value and I’m all about living from your values.

We should all work to be our best self and things that we spend time on in our lives should only contribute to that goal. These 6 things are from my perspective and it might be interesting to ask someone else when they feel you are at your best. Feedback is love.

Take some time this week and think about your answer(s) to this question. Write them down and work to integrate opportunities into your day that allow you to shine.

Later y’all.

Things I’ve Got a Big Crush on at the Moment

October 2, 2013Leave a comment

1. Quadron — Danish duo. Listen and fall in love. My fave songs: LFT, Hey Love, It’s Gonna Get You, Favorite Star, Crush, Befriend, Better Off, Sea Salt…wait, I’m naming the entire album. Just listen to “Avalanche” on Spotify.

2. “Adulting” by Kelly Williams Brown–So, remember the first time you read “Bossypants” by Tina Fey? You burst out laughing in a very quiet B&N and people stared at you so much that you felt it was only right to just buy the book and scurry away before someone called security considering that you’d gotten to the snorting level of your laughter which should really be preserved for private consumption. Okay, I guess that was just me. Well…the same happened with me and this book. Kelly Williams Brown has taken the word “Adult” and turned it into a verb. Being an adult is about how you choose to behave. She’s hilarious in a way that multiple parts of my identity greatly appreciate which means that she’s a bit crass and engages in “REAL TALK”. She gives you some steps to help you with acting as an adult but also makes sure that you know that you’re a grown ass person and you can do what you want. Just know that every choice leads to consequences. She’s got a blog. Read it: http://adultingblog.com/.

3. HuffPostWomen–I “Like” this page on Facebook and receive numerous articles throughout the day that serve as productive distractions (or so I tell myself). Check it out here and let me know your thoughts.

4. The Skimm–So, I’m not a big TV news watcher (I stand with Ann Curry) and I haven’t picked up a newspaper in ages. I mean, when I’m at home and the Sunday paper comes I still read The Comics, Parade, and The Daily Break. Does that count? No. I get most of my breaking news from the interwebs and as things become more and more complicated in my world and the world around me, I enjoy a cliffs notes version of what’s happening beyond Nashville, TN. I turn to The Skimm.

Facebook
Website
Twitter

Now you know and knowing is half the battle. “G.I. Joe, American Hero”–wait, was that too much? Oh, well.

Firefly is my GI Joe name. Don’t ask why I have a GI Joe name. We’ve all had previous lives.

5. ios 7–There, I said it. Come at me, bro! Love the look, the “remind me” feature on my phone, all the camera updates, and iTunes Radio. I mean, I love it because I can still call people (SHOCKER), text people, take pictures, get my email, and keep my calendar in the palm of my hand. I understand this means that I would be happy with the first iPhone ever made. Fine! All of y’all griping about it need to sit down. Talk about manufactured problems. Grr! Do you think Alex G. Bell ever thought this mess would be happening?!

Later Y’all.

Walk This Way

September 24, 2013September 24, 2013Leave a comment

We all know that walking is good for you.
We all know that fresh air is good for you.
We all know that feeling positive about where you are is good for you.

I’ve decided to combine those three “good” things into a new little week long project (low commitment). I’m taking a walk. You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like :).

I used to walk my previous campus all the time.

I would take stress relief breaks for bin candy (gummy strawberries). I would wander to see my friends in other offices. I was a regular at the library, a frequent visitor to the Gardens and on The Plaza. I would become a part of the campus shuffle. Along the way I would greet students I knew, meet their friends, check out the tabling rush, and take in the amazing scenery. Those walks revived me and reminded me of why I loved my career and my surroundings.

I don’t do that at my current institution. I rarely walk around and I have no idea where anything is located. Today I took my first of, what I hope to be, many walks. I took notes on my phone on a bench a place I have never entered. I saw one student I kinda know and we gave a halfhearted hello. I was offered a ride by one of the nice facilities men who about gave me a heart attack on the path. I said “bless you” to a sneezing student who was very grateful and I told a woman how nice she looked today. She responded with a shocked, “Me? You are too sweet!” A Jewish couple promoting Sukkhot made me smile. She with a baby strapped to her as she smiled and complimented my outfit. I ran into two colleagues and during our chat I was made aware of a scheduling conflict in my ever bustling life after work.

Don’t get me wrong–I have fallen in love with many of the people that I’ve met. I’m really starting to enjoy my new role. However, outside of my fishbowl of an office, I still feel disconnected. I don’t like feeling like a stranger at a place where I spend 40+ hours per week.

So, I’ve decided to walk. On every walk I will take a picture of a campus artifact. Walking helped me get my first home into my blood. It helped me absorb the energy of the campus community. I was highly aware of campus events and what students were buzzing about on campus. The campus is the students’ home and by immersing myself in it, even for just 15 minutes, I become a part of it.

Bonus points that the weather is gorgeous and campus is beautiful. I also get some exercise and have the chance to take a few deep breaths. #decreasestress #increasehealth

Bonus Bonus points for actually taking TWO walks today and using the second to chat with one of my best friends. There’s nothing like a great friend chat to put it all into perspective. It did the heart good.

After one day, I have come to the conclusion that this walking thing just has to be an all around positive situation. Right?

I’ll keep you posted.

Lata Y’all.

P.S.–I’m not like the Post Office. There will not be any walking in rain, snow, sleet, or hail.

The Wonder of Walls

August 27, 2013August 26, 2013Leave a comment

So, over the course of the past two weeks I’ve had three friends say to me something in the vein of, “I’m so happy that stuff happens to you.” “It’s nice to know that you’re human.” “I mean, you’re just so happy all the time and put together that you made me feel bad about not loving my life.” “I mean, I think this struggle is really good for you.”

Wait, what?!

I build walls. Who knew that I was so handy? I have surrounded myself with thick tall brick walls with barbed wire fencing around them, surveillance cameras, and murderous dogs. I am trapped inside a fortress that I built of my own volition brick by brick. This project has been under construction since before I can even remember and has continued into my 30th year of life. I don’t like feelings, I don’t have time to deal with being hurt, I love myself and fuck everyone else. All I need is my family and God. Friends are nice but they come and go. No need to work on keeping them in my life especially when we no longer live in the same state. People who wear their heart on their sleeves get hurt and that one time I fell in love and that love fell apart ruined me and my walls for longer than I’d like to admit. I will only let you know so much even though for some reason you might just tell me everything about you including secrets you’ve never told anyone else. I keep you outside,I stay inside, and we both win, right?

Wrong.

Why am I the warmest ice princess you’ll? Here’s the truth: I’m afraid. I do really well with keeping up appearances but I’m super afraid of being known and not being loved. So, instead I keep with being loved but not really known. This is why I went to a therapist yesterday.

I was doing perfectly fine in my fortress until he showed up and I actually had a feeling. A feeling that I haven’t had since 2005 when I met the first wall destroyer. He knocked a hole into the structure and now I have to repair it because he didn’t really want to commit to being the person who helps me demolish the rest of the fortress. He just wanted a peek inside of the pretty building. I loathed him but am incredibly drawn to him all at the same time. Anyone that can get through the walls is someone that I need to keep close to me. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” I was going to allow him to know me and to be honest as we spend time with each other as friends I continue to tell him things that I’ve never uttered to others. It scares and excites me.

However, what I quickly came to discover is that both of them, the wall climbers, are incredibly similar. Eerily similar to the point that I almost had a wrong name incident the other day during a lengthy phone conversation. Eek! Another reason for the therapist.

He is not the reason for all of my stuff right now but I think that he triggered something inside of me that was just waiting to happen. Now, I’m working on dealing with all of the things swimming in my head and my heart. God put him here for a reason and perhaps I need to concentrate on the why of his arrival.

My friends from above meant well. They want to know me and care about me. No, my life isn’t perfect and I maybe I just needed to finally say that aloud as opposed to my post perfections on many social media outlets.

So, I’m currently under construction and am at a stalemate with the design team simply because I don’t know if these walls are the best aesthetic for me. Maybe I need to change my style to something more welcoming? I guess I’m just worried that I’m not strong enough to support open space.

My pastor tells us that we can’t ever truly be loved unless we are truly known. Perhaps it is time that I let myself be known.

Later Y’all.

The Choice of Happy

August 25, 2013August 25, 2013Leave a comment

August is about to go bye bye. The summer seemed to make only a brief appearance this year and now we are skipping right into fall things. I love fall things including football, scarves, sweaters, boots, leaves changing color, and new seasons of my fave tv shows, BUT I shall miss the summer and the way I felt during particular moments. This summer was different and there were great highs and spectacular lows. I felt more free than I have in a long time and at the same time incredibly restrained. I was surrounded by lovely people and super lonely all at the same time. Life continues to show me her complexities as I get older. Well, it has happened and there is nothing I can do about the past. Forward on, Miss Clark into September.

Since life’s been a bit interesting and my mood is still not optimal, I’m going to cope as I typically do and fill my life with moments that I hope will bring me life. Oh, don’t worry, I’m also going to see a therapist.

Bright Spots
-SEC Football begins on Thursday!!! Vanderbilt v. Ole Miss at Vandy :)-It’s a blackout game and I’m still in search of the perfect ensemble. I’m happy to wander around to a couple tailgates and cheer on the ‘Dores. Also, seeing Ole Miss play brings back great memories of my adventure to The Grove last fall. My Hotty Toddy cup is still my favorite to use at work.

– The BEACH!! I’m off to North Carolina to celebrate my friend Erin’s 30th Birthday. I get to spend a day at Duke and then I get to stick my fit in the sand and spend some time breathing fresh air and internalizing God’s beautiful creation. I also get to take a break from Nashville. I love this city but we need a break.

– The Junior League of Nashville’s Provisional Year begins! I am loving my role on Council as Provisional Co-Chair and I can’t wait to hold it down on Wednesday nights.

– I get to see Blake Shelton with my lovely friend Jana in September. The boots shall make an appearance and I shall have fun and sing until my voice disappears.

– A mixed bag of events including Live on the Green, a DDD Breakfast Club meet up, Zumba, church, and hopefully a fun benefit concert.

– I also hope to sprinkle in some 1:1 encounters with people that I love in this city. Seriously, I’ve found some of the best people here and I need to work on cherishing the time I have with them a lot better.

That’s all that I have scheduled for now but we’ll see what pops up on the calendar.

I’ve felt like a huge sloth lately. My get up and go attitude has gone. Perhaps, I just need some rest or I just need to deal with some shit that’s weighing me down. Regardless, I’m committed to pulling it back together. I’m working on choosing happy. Your support is appreciated.

Later Y’all.

Krystal

State of Affairs

August 2, 20131 Comment

So, I haven’t blogged since July 6th.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk and I have not felt like “Krystal” these days. I figured I needed to calm down a few things in my world including blogging. I enjoy this experience and have had a huge amount of fun sharing my adventures with y’all. Blogging is a personal investment and I’d like to share the genuine state of my life with you all. Obviously, it is harder to share when you’re not sure you like who you are at the moment.

Don’t worry, I haven’t kicked a puppy or slashed anyone’s tires. I’ve just done, thought, and said a few things that aren’t truly reflective of who I think I am as a person. Perhaps, I’m wrong and I actually am that person. If that’s the case then I need to do some work to accept my new reality.

Life is still happening but I’ve chosen to step back from a few things as I’ve conducted my Summer 2013 Life Audit. I’ve disconnected with some people and activities that are starting to feel like burdens. I’m still in the process of examining a few other involvements to determine whether or not I should continue in my role.

I’m looking for my happy and what I thought was making me happy when I moved to Nashville in 2011 is now exhausting. What I value has now reached a critical point and is actually starting to become detrimental.

Okay, so there you go. Don’t worry–I’m working everyday, still hanging out with friends, going to concerts (waiting for Luke Bryan tickets as I type), serving as a residential tourist of Nashville, and my outfits are getting better and better including this $11.00 skirt I’m currently rocking from Target. I’ll catch you up on specifics when I feel more like sharing.

Thanks for reading.

Mwah & Squeeze

Krystal

Excuse Me….

July 6, 2013July 7, 2013Leave a comment

My apologies for the hiatus but I am off being a Friend of Beta Theta Pi Fraternity.

I don’t do “Greek” day to day anymore BUT I do believe that the experience is beneficial to those who do it right. I believe in it and because of that I will continue to support fraternities and sororities in various ways including by serving as a facilitator for experiences like the Wooden Institute. Tis an honor and I’ m happy to have been invited :).

I shall return to blogging duties on Thursday or Friday of next week. Don’t miss me too much!

Later Y’all!

Red, White, & Blue–Happy 4th of July!

July 2, 2013July 2, 20133 Comments

Had so much last week styling Chambray themed outfits that I had to come back for Red, White, & Blue. This happens to be one of my favorite color combinations and when I was in my Tommy Hilfiger phase, I probably wore these three colors everyday of the week. The 4th of July is upon us and I have fond memories of watching fireworks on my aunt’s patio. I went to college in Colonial Williamsburg so 4th of July is a big deal. The colonists would come out in full force with an incredible fireworks display, fife and drum band, and an authentic celebration of America’s independence. I then had the amazing fortune of celebrating a few summers in our nation’s capital, Washington D.C. Needless to say, I have high standards for 4th of July celebrations. This summer, I’ll be celebrating with friends and watching some fireworks in downtown Nashville. How are you celebrating our nation’s birthday? Whatever you do, don’t forget to honor our nation’s troops. God bless the men and women who continue to fight to preserve our freedom. My dad was in the Army and my brother in the Air Force–I have great respect for the Armed Forces. America ain’t perfect, but she’s my home. I’m proud to be an American.

Check out my Red, White, & Blue (and Camo) below: